


Mastering Time

by Heki564



Series: Serendipity of Time [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Leonard Snart Lives, M/M, Oculus (DC's Legends of Tomorrow) - Freeform, slight Hartmon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-01-23 14:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12509636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heki564/pseuds/Heki564
Summary: After Leonard's death, Ray had to learn how to live without him. But recent events have informed him that Leonard survived the Oculus explosion. Now that they know this, Ray has to have Cisco's help to find him and bring him back. However, is it really the same old Leonard Snart?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Oculus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7984681) by [areyouarealmonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyouarealmonster/pseuds/areyouarealmonster). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the only one to take place right after the events of SoT. The rest happens months after.

He awoke with a start and stuttered breath. His heart pounded as he coughed, lungs burning. In that moment, all he was aware of was the pain in his chest that radiated throughout his body, ending with an echo in his head. He brought an arm up to grab his forehead with a groan. It felt as if it was trying to split open from the inside out.

Hesitantly, he opened his eyes with a wince. Looking around, he recognized where he was but he couldn’t place it. The room he was in was surrounded by tech. It screamed sterile as much as it screamed familiar to his mind. He knew he had been here before but just couldn’t place it. His head hurt too much to try searching his memories that far back.

So he chose to focus on more recent events. He couldn’t remember what happened to get him in this place. An explosion maybe. The way he felt, the way his body ached, it was easy to believe. He only had clues to work with, his memory being less than cooperative. Still, he tried to force something, anything, to come to mind. 

For a moment, a face flashed in his mind, familiar and spreading warmth beneath skin he hadn’t realized was so cold. Puppy eyes and brown hair he could practically feel himself running his fingers through. He didn’t have long to take in the face in his mind before the room around him disappeared, replaced with rapidly flashing images of places, people, events all with the same man. Only, he wasn’t just a man. 

It was as if he was watching this man’s entire life laid out before him, from a newborn to his day of death. It would replay over and over, events changing each time through. A name came to him from an event in one pass through, whispered in a soft voice he could almost pinpoint as his own,  _ Raymond _ . 

He was left spinning, the pain in his head increasing. After the tenth pass through, he zeroed in on another face in the flashing images, a little brown haired girl from the man’s past. A new and equally familiar story line filled his vision, and the cycle repeated over and over. With each flash came a new wave of pain, increasing intensity with each one.

The next life to flash before his eyes was so familiar, it had to be his own. He watched the paths of his past diverge into new futures. His head nearly split in two.

With the tenth life to pass his eyes, all he could focus on was the pain. He barely noticed the darkness encroaching on his vision. Slowly all that was left was dark and pain until he faded out of consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next installment of SoT is finally here! Y'all ready for round two? It may just be a prologue-y type thing but I was too excited not to post it!
> 
> This sequel owes it's life to areyouarealmonster and her Oculus series! Because of her, I have had this sequel planed since before SoT started. There may be a few similarities but I tried to put my own spin on it! 
> 
> I have a ton of stuff happening this next month and I'm not as far ahead in writing/planing this as I would like. So I can't give a detailed update schedule but I have most of the next chapter written already. Hopefully I can manage a post by next weekend.
> 
> As always hit up my [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for DCTV related screaming. And check out [Mimi,](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) my wonderful beta! Also I started a twitter so you can follow my rantings there too (@hekiwrites).


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ray,” Cisco paused, “I don’t know how but,” a smile started tugging on the corners of his lips, “Snart’s alive.”
> 
> Ray’s heart froze. “What?”

Defeating a group of aliens bent on Metahuman destruction was a lot easier than Ray expected in the end. Sure it was hard when they didn’t know what to do but once they did, it was actually really simple. Now that they could finally relax with the after party in full swing, Ray was able to sit back and think upon what the Dominators had shown him. 

If he was honest, he was still shaken by it. They had given him everything he wished for, including Leonard. He was surprised that neither Oliver nor anyone else hadn’t come to talk to him about it, to ask why Leonard Snart was his fiancee in an ideal world. Of course Sara knew and he supposed maybe she talked to them. He still expected Oliver to say his two cents worth. 

Thinking about Leonard always hurt, though it had gone from the throbbing pain after he died to a dull ache. He was still bitter about how it all went down, but mostly he missed him. Mick told him that sometimes the team would still find him staring off into the distance. He couldn’t deny what he was thinking about in those moments any more than Mick could deny what he was thinking about three beers in. 

Having now lived a day in a life with Leonard, Ray wasn’t sure how he felt. It was wonderful, even with the impending sense of  _ wrong _ certain events or phrases brought. He was happy, actually truly happy. But Oliver had been right; it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t real.

Still, it was enough to have shaken the acceptance he had come to in the past months. He was frustrated but he supposed there was also some closer found in the experience. He had gotten to say goodbye to that fake Leonard at least.

Ray was pulled out of his thoughts by an inquisitive voice, “What’s that?”  

Looking up, Ray saw it was Cisco who had come over to check on him. Ray had secluded himself for a bit, not really feeling in the partying mood after the thought  _ Leonard would hate this _ came across his mind. He had taken a spot in the chair where the computers were still stationed and was twisting a ring around in his hands.

“A ring,” he answered simply; the real answer being too complex. This ring was the one Mick had given him, or in a way, that Len had given him. He had attached it to a chain around his neck months ago. It comforted him and he had taken to messing with it while in thought. It was a part of Leonard and he took solace in it being a part of him now. 

Cisco looked at him curiously. “Why’s it around your neck?”

“Because I don’t want to lose it.” Ray turned his focus back to the ring, twisting it back and forth. He knew he was being less than forthcoming with information, but this was a subject too close to his heart. One wrong move and the armor he built around it these past months would come crashing down.

Cisco was silent, contemplative, then he said, “It seem’s like it means a lot to you.” At Ray’s nod he continued, “Whose was it?”

Ray thought about not telling him. He wasn’t sure how Cisco would react. However, it felt wrong to deny this. “Leonard.”

“Leonard?” Cisco asked, confused. Ray gave him some time, allowing the man to connect the dots on his own, and soon Cisco added in a surprised and loud voice,  “Leonard Snart?”

Ray looked up from the ring to look around the room. He was hoping no one was alerted by the loud declaration. It looked like only Mick had noticed. He looked about ready to head over to them but Ray locked their gazes, shaking his head. Mick stopped his approach but gave Ray a look as if to say he was watching in case he changed his mind. 

Ray smiled in thanks and then turned back to Cisco’s disbelieving face. By the looks he was shooting between Ray and Mick it would seem that he witnessed the exchange between them. They have gotten a lot closer than Ray would have imagined at the start of all this. Leonard’s death brought them together, giving them a sturdy pillar when they stumbled.

Ray laughed a little at the other’s shocked appearance. “Yes. That Leonard.”

“But,” Cisco sputtered, “Why?” 

Ray’s smile shrunk to something soft and fond. “He meant a lot to me.” And boy if that wasn’t an understatement but it was the simplest answer he had to offer. Anything more would be giving up too much. He could already feel his armor chipping.

Cisco contemplated him for a minute. Whether it was the expression on his face, the tone of his voice, or something entirely different, Cisco seemed to accept what he found. “What happened to him?”

For the second time since this alien invasion began, he had to inform another of Len’s death. It didn’t get any better with repetition. “He died saving us.” Ray smiled. “A hero.” There was a reason he kept calling him that. Beyond the fact that he truly believed it, Ray took some petty solace in it since Leonard wasn’t around to protest the title. Serves him right.

Some form of the turmoil he still sometimes felt must have worked its way out of the armor and into his expression as Cisco reached out to him, grasping his shoulder tightly. “I’m so sorry, Ray.” Cisco stared directly into his eyes before shifting them to the ring still held in Ray’s hand. “If you're interested, I’m sure I could find a better solution for that than a chain around your neck.”

Ray took a moment to think about it. He had come close to losing it in feudal Japan. The truth was that without his armor, the ring was pretty vulnerable. “What do you have in mind?”

Cisco held out his hand for the ring, waiting patiently as Ray slipped the chain from around his neck to hand it over. “I would need to check the material I have in my lab but,” his words cut off as soon as the ring fell into his open palm. His eyes got a far off look and he sat more still than Ray had ever seen him.

“Cisco?” He asked hesitantly. At first he was worried that something happened, but then a memory from earlier came into mind. Though he had seen Cisco vibe before, it was only from a distance. It was significantly more disturbing up close. The blank expression on his face freaked Ray out.

Cisco was frozen for what felt like minutes but was probably merely seconds. Time moved funny when you were anticipating the worst as Ray had come to find out. Eventually, Cisco finally came back into himself with a gasp and then stared wide eyed at Ray. 

“What?” Ray prompted, unnerved by both the vibing and the staring. He wasn’t sure what Cisco had seen but it seem to have spooked him.

“You said that Snart was dead,” his reply had a disbelieving quality to it as much as an accusatory one.

“He is. He blew himself up along with the Oculus to save all of us,” Ray explained, a sickening feeling swirling in his stomach. He was liking this less and less. “Why?”

Cisco held a hand up and let out a brief breath of a laugh. “We’ll get to what the frak an Oculus is in a minute.” Ray opened his mouth to explain but was stopped as Cisco shook his hand to show he wasn’t finished. “Ray,” He paused, lowering his hand to stare him directly in the eyes. “I don’t know how but,” a smile started tugging on the corners of his lips, “Snart’s alive.”

Ray’s heart froze. “What?” His voice was a whisper of disbelief. What Cisco was saying couldn’t be true. The team had told him they watched the Vanishing Point blow up, that there was no chance Leonard had survived.

“He’s alive,” Cisco smiled fully now, as if what he was saying was good news. “I saw him but,”

Ray interrupted him, voice growing in pitch and volume as he spoke until the last word was nearly shouted, “You’re telling me that all this time, all these months, Leonard has been alive?” 

The sounds of the party around them stopped. While a few had been curiously eyeing them since Cisco’s vibe, everyone had tuned into their conversation once they heard Ray’s voice. Mick was quick to join them off to the side of the room. “What do you mean, Haircut?” 

“Cisco just vibed Leonard,” Ray replied, now very conscious of the volume of his voice. There was a fear sneaking up his throat, affecting his words. A fear of hope.

For weeks after the explosion, he went through a horrible process of denial. He looked for Leonard in every time jump, expecting some form of time mumbo jumbo to have saved him from death. He had just accept that this was it; Leonard was really gone. To have this hope that maybe the time mumbo jumbo actually happened, Ray wasn’t sure what to do with it.

“What?” Sara had joined them sometime after Mick. Ray looked around to see more of Team Legends gathered around. Sara and Mick stood the closest with Jax and Stein right behind them. Nate and Amaya stayed further away, though Ray couldn’t really expect them to have an opinion on this matter. They didn’t know Snart.

A voice cleared behind the gathered group. Mick and Sara parted to look behind them, subsequently allowing Ray to see Oliver with his arms crossed standing next to a confused Barry. “Do you mind letting us all in on this?” Oliver asked, one eyebrow poised in question.

Cisco was the first to speak up. “Uh, I just vibed and, well,” he paused to laugh a little hysterically. “I saw Leonard Snart.”

“Meaning he’s alive?” Sara shot Ray a look, probably checking to see how he was handling it. Honestly, Ray wasn’t even sure how he was handling it. 

“Since when is Leonard Snart dead?” Oliver questioned only to be ignored.

Barry spoke up quickly, fully brushing off Oliver’s question., “Cisco, are you sure this is Earth-1’s Snart?”

The hope growing in Ray’s chest deflated a little at the question. He should have known better than to let it grow. His Len was dead.

But Cisco nodded. “I’m sure. He looked a little worse for wear and he was all alone but I can generally tell when a person isn’t from our earth now,” Cisco looked to Ray as he continued, “I’m ninety percent positive it was our Snart.”

“What do you mean ‘worse for wear’,” Mick asked in a rough voice at the same time Sara questioned the ‘ninety percent’. He stood the closest to Ray. He had been a rock since the beginning of this mess. No one knew how broken Ray had been more than Mick. He must know that Ray was in need of his support now.

Ray silently thanked him as Cisco went on to answer Mick. “He looks like he hasn’t seen a shower or a mirror in the entire time he’s been gone.” At the glare Mick was sending him, he hastily added, “He also looked like he was in pain.”

“Is he injured?” Oliver asked, taking on the leader role, ready to roll out the questions should they be needed. And they were. None of the Legends had the energy to ask.

Cisco shook his head. “Not externally at least.”

“Could you tell where he was?” Oliver continued.

Another head shake. “It looked like S.T.A.R. Labs but it was different.” His brows furrowed as he tried to come up with a way to describe it. “Familiar but strange. Not in a different Earth way either.”

“That’s not all that helpful,” Oliver sighed, arms still crossed as he mulled over the information Cisco had given him. 

“If Leonard is alive, we have to find him,” Ray finally spoke up. 

“What about Darhk?” Sara asked. “I would like nothing more than to drop everything and search for him but all of time is in danger.”

And Ray knew that morally, figuring out and stopping whatever Darhk and this new speedster had planned was way more important than finding Leonard. He just didn’t care and thus chose to see it as Sara’s thirst for vengeance rather than a viable option. “We can’t just leave him.”

“Team Flash can search for him,” Sara tried to reason, looking to Barry, “Right?”

Barry shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck; his face telling them that, no, they could not. “We’ve kind of got this super powered speedster to deal with.”

Ray crossed his arms, ready to defend his right to search for Leonard. “See. They’re busy.”

“Well we can’t exactly put this on hold, Ray,” Sara argued back. She stared him down a moment before sighing. “Look, we all miss him. We all want him back. But he’s managed this long without us.”

Ray couldn’t believe she had used that as a valid argument against him. It almost made him believe his earlier vengeance delusion about her. “That’s exactly why we need to find him.” They were at an impasse, but an idea came to him, one that he was sure Sara would approve of. “What if just I stayed?”

“What?” Sara continued, without stopping to consider it. “No, Ray. We need you here.”

“No you don’t,” Ray insisted. “When I lost the A.T.O.M. suit, I was virtually useless but you got along fine without me.” When Sara looked ready to protest, he cut her off. “I’m not getting back on the ship without him, Sara.”

She stared him down, testing his resolve and apparently accepting what she saw. “Fine.”

“If Haircut is staying, I’m staying too.” Mick’s gruff voice interceded. The look on his face was not one to argue with. Mick was staying.

“Of course you are.” Sara raised her hands, gesturing between them while looking at the rest of the crew. “Anyone else?” She gave no one a chance to respond. “Good.” She let her hands drop, smacking against her sides. Frustration was evident on her face.

“And how exactly do you plan on finding him?” Stein asked, either out of general curiosity or condescendingly. One could never really tell with him.

“I could help with that,” Cisco stated. He looked to Barry as he continued, “You guys won’t need me all the time. I could help them in my down time.”

Barry nodded but before he could give his assent, Caitlin spoke, “Where do you plan on going to do this? S.T.A.R. Labs isn’t exactly the safest place right now.”

“Oh, believe me, I have a place.” Cisco stated, holding up a hand to her as if to physically hold back her arguments while the other rested on his chest. 

It was a confident pose yet despite this Caitlin murmured loud enough for everyone to hear, “Well that sounds convincing,” Most chose to ignore her. 

“Well it sounds like you guys have this all planned out,” Oliver stated, most likely glad he wasn’t needed to work it all out. “Maybe we should get to it then? We still have our own situation to attend to.”

There was a collective groan from the Arrow team as they turned to follow their leader’s orders. Sara nodded along, turning to her own group. “You heard the man. Move out.” The team took a moment to say their goodbyes and to wish Ray luck then they were heading out to board the Waverider.

Before leaving, Sara grabbed Ray’s shoulder. “I know it may not have sounded like it, but I hope you find him, Ray.”

Ray swallowed around the emotions that had been building up in his throat since Cisco sprung the news on him. “Thanks, Sara.”

She squeezed his shoulder before pulling him into a quick embrace. Then she turned to follow her team out.

Ray watched them go, grateful that they were allowing him this chance. Though he knew that they would all agree with the fact that right now, Ray would be less than useless to them. The way he was right after Leonard’s death was testament to this. The only thing that would be on his mind is finding Len and bringing him home. 

Mick walked up beside him. “The nerd says he’s ready to go when we are.”

Ray nodded absently. He was processing everything, running through multiple scenarios. A thought popped into his mind. “Should we call Lisa?” Telling Lisa about Leonard was the second worst moment of his life. She deserved to know he was alive. If he was alive that is.

Mick stayed silent, giving it a moment’s thought. He ended it with a shrug. “Depends. Will it help?”

He wondered what exactly he meant by help. Would it help find Leonard? Probably not. Would it help Lisa to know that her brother might actually be alive? Also most likely not. At least, not until it was confirmed. “No.”

Mick nodded along, seemingly willing to do whatever Ray decided. “Shall we?”

Looking over at Cisco who was nervously standing by the door being interrogated by Caitlin, Ray wasn’t sure if he was ready. For months he had hoped for exactly this, for Leonard to be alive. Now that it was true, he still wasn’t sure how to feel. 

He knew one thing though. He wanted Leonard back. Always have, always will. So he nodded back at Mick. “Let’s go find him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually managed to get this chapter out in a decent amount of time. You would understand how much of a miracle that is if you could see my schedule this month. Not to mention my beta [Mimi's.](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) I cannot promise the next one will be out as quickly.
> 
> As always hit up my [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) for DCTV related screaming. Also I started a twitter so you can follow my rantings there too (@hekiwrites).


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray wasn’t sure what he expected when they finally pulled Leonard out of the speed force. How malnourished he would be. Whether or not he would be conscious upon arrival. Silently he wondered if all the time in solidarity would drive the man to the brink of sanity. But he chose to push that out of his mind. Honestly, he was just relieved that after months of mourning, he could finally have him back. He would take Leonard any way he could get him. Figuring out everything else could come later.

When Cisco said that he had a place for them Ray had expected a large lab with state of the art tech. However, the first place Cisco took them after the party broke up was anything but. There were no millions of dollars of tech, no work benches, and no fancy computers. It was just an apartment, a fancier one but still an apartment. 

“Are we supposed to find Leonard here?” Ray asked dubiously after looking around the space.

Cisco snorted, “Look, Ray, I like you and all but we’ve just spent the last two days fighting evil aliens.” He turned to look at him from where he was pulling sheets out of a closet. “I don’t know about you but I need my beauty sleep.” Cisco smiled, small and light. A pacifying smile, meant for apologies and sympathy. 

Ray wanted to argue but logically he knew Cisco was right. They were all exhausted, something to do with fighting aliens he supposed. They could do nothing until they got some well needed sleep.

So he helped Cisco set up two extra sleeping spaces, one for him and one for Mick. Mick had raided Cisco’s fridge for beer the moment he was told they weren’t going to find Leonard tonight. He sat and watched them from the table, surprisingly quiet.

Once everything was all set up,  Cisco turned to them with a sigh. “I’ll call Hartley first thing in the morning. Then we’ll head over to his lab.”

“Hartley?” Ray called out to Cisco as he left towards what Ray supposed was his room. Cisco didn’t answer, instead closing his door behind him.

Looking to Mick, he received a shrug before the man chugged the last of his beer, leaving the empty bottle on the counter. “I call the couch,” he growled out before landing heavily on it. Within a few minutes, he was out.

Ray sighed. He had always envied Mick’s ability to fall asleep so easily. Ray was too wired to sleep. Though truth be told, even if he hadn’t just learned that Len was alive and there was a chance to save him, Ray usually had a hard time falling asleep. Even when he did sleep he dreamed. Nightmares of Len dying, or possibly worse, nightmares of him living.

Ray had been keeping it from the team but Gideon tattled on him a couple weeks in. Sarah came to him soon after and talked it out with him. Since then it had been sleeping pills and black out nights for him. 

Now, without those pills, he was looking at a long night.

* * *

The second place Cisco brought them to the next afternoon was a lot more like what Ray had envisioned. While not exactly matching his thoughts on what they needed, it was the closest one could get in an abandoned warehouse. 

The building had been gutted, reminding Ray a lot of the hanger they had spent the last couple days fighting an alien invasion in. There were a few doors in the back that looked like they led to rooms built in. A few sterile looking tables lined with tools and scraps of metal and tech were placed in a half square in the middle of the room. Across from these tables were three computers lined up on a large desk covered in papers.

Sitting at the desk with what looked like pieces of a flute in front of him was a man. He had turned to face them when they walked in. Now he sat with his arms crossed and glaring at them as they crossed the lab. “You better have that explanation ready, Ciscito.”

Cisco ignored the man in favor of introducing them. “Ray, Mick, meet Hartley Rathaway. Hartley, Ray Palmer and Mick Rory.” He gestured lazily to each of them as he said their names, as if he was too tired for this situation. He then made his way to an empty chair, sitting down with a sigh.

“Pleasure,” Hartley said in a tone that stated it was anything but. After the short greeting, he turned to address Cisco. “Now why are you here.”

“Angry little guy, isn’t he?” Mick grumbled under his breath so that only Ray would hear him, though it was a little too loud to completely accomplish that.

Cisco, if he heard him, ignored him. “We just need to borrow your space for a bit. You don’t have to help.” He was spinning the chair back and forth but never broke eye contact with Hartley.

The idea of being brushed off seemed to annoy the man even more. “Well, if you want to use my lab you can at least tell me what you are doing.” 

Ray spoke up, “We’re going to bring back our friend from the dead. Or, well, I guess he isn’t actually dead. So back from the not dead?” Hartley simply stared at him, which made Ray feel like he must introduce himself again. “Oh, hello. I’m Ray, by the way.” He smiled and outstretched his hand.

Hartley tilted his gaze to glance at Ray’s hand before looking back to Cisco. “You may have found the one person on Earth more annoying than you, Ciscito. Congratulations.”

Ray pulled his arm back with a slight pout. He was use to people calling him annoying but it still hurt a bit. He was simply trying to be friendly. Maybe Hartley was just one of the more non-approachable types. Ray could accept that. Possibly.

Cisco rolled his eyes. “He’s right though. We’re going to find Snart and bring him back.”

Hartley held up a hand in a gesture to wait. “Okay, wait. I have some questions.” Cisco slid down into a slouch, gesturing for him to continue. “Who is Snart and why is he dead?” He frowned. “Or not dead?”

“Leonard Snart,” Cisco started, “Thief extraordinaire. Kidnapped me and my brother once.”

Recognition passed across Hartley’s face. No doubt Leonard’s reputation preceded him. “And you want to save him because,” He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Because he’s our friend,” Ray answered, not wanting Cisco to respond. This was important to Ray. He didn’t want to miss out on a chance to bring Len back. “He’s not like that anymore. Or not really. He’s nice.” He thought about it and then added with a tilt of his head “Well, nicer.”

Hartley watched Ray throughout his ramblings. There was a guarded expression on his face, one that slightly unnerved Ray. It was as if he was being silently judged. After a moment, he turned his head to look at Mick. “And him?”

“Len’s his best friend,” Ray explained simply after Mick didn’t respond. 

Hartley observed them for a while, face never changing. Whatever he was looking for, he must have found it. He sighed, turning back to look at Cisco. “You owe me, Ciscito.” He then turned back to Ray and Mick. “Don’t break anything.”

Ray grinned, glad that they now had the green light. “Thank you, Hartley.” He wanted to hug the man but even he could tell that it wouldn’t be the best idea. 

“Whatever,” Hartley called over his shoulder as he went back to the flute pieces. 

And thus begun the search for Leonard Snart. As excited as Ray had been to start this process, it dwindled as time passed. A lot of time passed. They had thought it would be simple. Cisco would vibe Len, find out where he was, and then they would bring him back.

However, finding out where exactly Leonard was proved harder than it should be. Cisco confirmed that Leonard was in S.T.A.R. Labs but it was clear that it wasn’t theirs. After all, they would have seen him. Then started the search through different Earths, but with fifty two of them it was hard work. They tried coming up with algorithms to quickly search the Earths for him, or rather the frequency of him since Cisco said all Earths had their own frequencies. So far nothing had worked.

There was another obstacle to finding Leonard. While being in Hartley’s lab gave them the space they needed, Cisco was still needed with Team Flash. Apparently they were fighting some speed god or something. Ray would be lying if he said he was paying attention to their conversations. He was too focused on finding Len. 

While Cisco was with Barry and the others of Team Flash, Ray would pretend to do something in hopes of being helpful. What he was really doing was writing and rewriting equations on the board Hartley had so graciously allowed them to use. He would erase a formula here, change a variable there, only to end up changing them back to the original. Not that it would really matter anyways; the formulas were useless. Mostly Ray just stood in his corner of the lab being glared at by Hartley from where the man sat working on his flute.

Generally, Hartley was being helpful in the efforts to find Len. As an expert on sound waves and frequencies any help he was willing to give was accepted gratefully. It was hidden behind snark and hurtful, but creative, nicknames. Ray got the feeling that Len would have loved him. Mick certainly enjoyed egging him on. They would go round and round with the name calling.

For the most part, Ray was the only one who decided working without Cisco was anything other than futile. Even Mick had left the lab to spend the day as he pleased. The thing was that this, finding Len, was the only thing Ray found to be worth spending any time on. 

Mick would occasionally pull him out with him, usually to Lisa’s for movies and popcorn. They had decided together that they should wait until they had anything concrete to tell Lisa the real reason they were home. Instead they cited a much needed vacation from time traveling and ass kicking. Ray isn’t sure she completely bought it, but if not, she at least let them have the lie.

Outside of the lab, Ray had gotten a two bedroom apartment for Mick and him to share. After two weeks on Cisco’s floor, Ray decided that it would be a good idea for them to stay elsewhere. Well, that and the fact that Cisco and Mick were never on the best of terms.

About two months into their search Cisco came running into the lab carrying a bin full of tech in his arms. “I know where he is!” he exclaimed, not stopping to greet any of them as he took the bin to a table.

Ray immediately backed away from the board, eager to hear what the other had to say and not really getting anywhere anyway. “You do?” 

“He’s in the speed force,” Cisco explained with an excited grin on his face. He then began pulling everything out of the bin one by one, spacing them out on the surface. 

Ray had heard Team Flash discussing the speed force before but his knowledge beyond that was severely lacking, so he asked.

“Barry draws energy from it that allows him to run so fast. It also is kind of like a purgatory that Barry’s been into a couple of times,” Cisco excitedly explains.

“How would Len be able to enter it?” Ray questioned. “He’s not a speedster last time I checked.”

“Because,” Cisco started, looking up to grin at Ray, “It also lets him travel back in time.”

Ray grinned, accepting that reasoning. “So now we can bring him home.” The relief he felt was evident in his voice. Finally. Finally he would have Len back. 

Cisco nodded but before he could continue Hartley spoke up, alerting Ray to the fact that they weren’t alone. “Not so fast,” he stated, causing the other two to pause. “As great as it will be to finally get rid of you all, your friend has been missing for almost a year now. Shouldn’t we have some medical on standby?”

Cisco snapped his fingers and pointed them at Hartley. “You’re right. I should call Caitlin.” He didn’t wait more than a beat to walk out of the room to do just that.

“I should call Mick.” Ray realized. The man would never forgive him if he allowed Len to be brought back without him. “Thanks, Hartley.”

Hartley ignored him, as he often did. Ray chose to see his silence as acceptance and left to call Mick. He had to get back as soon as possible. They had a friend to save.

* * *

It took two hours to set up one of the back rooms with everything Cisco needed to breach into the speed force as well as all the medical equipment Caitlin had brought with her. Then another ten minutes to go over the plan. Cisco breaches in, finds Leonard, brings him back through the breach. It was a simple plan but Ray drug out the conversation by arguing to go with Cisco into the breach. He didn’t win.

So instead of entering the speed force, Ray sat back with the others to wait. Mick was tense beside him. He wouldn’t admit it, but Ray knew him better now. They were both anticipating Leonard’s return. What they would say. What they would do. Ray still wasn’t sure whether he would embrace Len first or punch him. He assumed Mick was thinking along the same lines.

Ray wasn’t sure what he expected when they finally pulled Leonard out of the speed force. How malnourished he would be. Whether or not he would be conscious upon arrival. Silently he wondered if all the time in solidarity would drive the man to the brink of sanity. But he chose to push that out of his mind. Honestly, he was just relieved that after months of mourning, he could finally have him back. He would take Leonard any way he could get him. Figuring out everything else could come later.

The moment Leonard was pulled out it was as if time stopped. Ray had spent months trying to forget the way Len made him feel. He tried to forget the face that could send his heart racing with a single glance. He had tried to forget the man he fell in love with and then broke his heart twice. He had thought he would be better without that pain.

It never stuck though, and now that man was before him. He looked just as Ray remembered him. Every detail a perfect copy of the Leonard in his memories. Ray was frozen, unable to look away from the man he had thought he lost forever. Yet slowly more details broke through the perfect image. Dark circles under his eyes, eyes which held a hollowness to them that was never there before. This Leonard,  _ his Leonard _ , looked like he was broken. Like death warmed over. 

It was as if this realization shattered the spell holding them suspended in time. Len collapsed to the ground in an instant. He started screaming and wreathing in agony just a second later. Everyone jumped into action, a fury of movement. Now it seemed time was moving way too fast. Ray and Mick running forward to check on their friend bled into Caitlin running a vitals check and trying to find out why he was in pain. Out of the corner of his eye Ray caught the blur of movement that was Hartley grabbing Cisco and pulling him off to the side. 

Nothing seemed to be relenting the pain Leonard was experiencing. Not Caitlin’s hurried hands, pressing in a search for anything broken. Not Mick, who was yelling, wide eyed at Cisco. And not even Ray, who was clutching onto Len’s hand as if it was his last tether to this world. Time had slowed again, drawing out this agonized moment. They could do nothing.

Len finally calmed down after Caitlin administered some kind of shot. Only it was a deafening silence of a calm. Rather than being relieved of pain, he had passed out. She must have given him a sedative, Ray reasoned as he and Mick raised Len’s unconscious form to a cot stationed nearby. Caitlin then forced everyone out of the room, explaining that she needed to fully look Leonard over to try and find what was wrong. Time finally started to move at a normal pace. 

Ray and Mick fought to stay but both lost to Caitlin’s insistence. They joined Cisco and Hartley outside of the room to wait for answers. 

“What did you do?” Mick growled out, moving towards Cisco. Ray grabbed him at the same time that Hartley pulled Cisco back, both sensing the aggressiveness of the man’s actions. He pushed Mick away from Cisco. Mick complied but not without another snarl.

“I didn’t do anything!” Cisco exclaimed, finally taking off his goggles. “When I got there he was talking a bunch of jibberish. I just grabbed him and brought him back. He didn’t start screaming until we got through the breach.”

Before anyone could question the man further, Caitlin exited the room, closing the door behind her. She looked at them, eyes furrowed and expressing an apology. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I checked everything I could think of.”

“What does that mean?” Ray was getting a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

Caitlin hesitated for a moment before explaining, “There’s no physical reason that I can find for his pain.”

“So?” Mick asked, voice rough. He was worried. Ray could tell even though Mick was trying not to show it.

Caitlin paused. She looked as if she had no clue what to do. “We won’t know more until we can actually talk to him.” The unsaid ‘if’ in that sentence was hanging in the air. 

“So what do we do now?” Ray’s voice was hushed. All his energy had drained the moment he was pushed out the door. The excitement from earlier just a memory.

“All we can do now is wait,” Caitlin answers.

They all shared worried glances. Ray didn’t like the idea of just sitting around and doing nothing. Especially after they had worked so hard to bring him back. Though even he couldn’t deny the questions they were all facing now.

Did they really bring Leonard back? Or had the explosion and months of confinement in the speed force alter him in some way? What if he was so lost in his mind that they could never truly find him?

No. Ray pushed all the doubt out of his head. He needed to focus on the positive. Leonard was here, physically. Everything else could be dealt with as it came. With this reasoning, he relaxed, if only slightly. For the first time in months, Ray felt like he could finally catch his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that took way longer than it should have. I'll be honest when I say that I am terrible at time management. With the end of my college career fast approaching I have been slacking more than I should be. But! I plan on having the next chapter done next week. I already have most of it written.
> 
> Hope the wait was worth it! As always you can message me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) to yell at me or ask anything you'd like. Or just come to see me freak out about Leo Snart as I have been since Tuesday.
> 
> Also a big thanks to [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) who even without internet found the time to read this over and give brilliant advice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first coherent thought he had was of the pain in his head.

Shadows and voices. Ever since the vision of the man pulling him through a portal, that’s all he was aware of. He would catch bits of language, nothing making any sense. Worried tones about something lost. He faded in and out through all of it.

The first coherent thought he had was of the pain in his head. It was no longer the dull ache he had gotten use to. However, this was still a familiar pain. One he hadn’t felt since he learned to dull the images dancing in his vision. It felt like there was a chasm in his skull.

With the thought of visions, they once again began rolling around him. He watched as the glaciers formed the northern parts of the earth. They were vivid as if he were actually there. The more he watched, the more his head hurt. So instead of letting them take ahold of him, he focused on his surroundings.

The first thing he noticed was the cot he was laying on. His thoughts immediately going to a hospital. Clutching his head, he sat up to look around. The room was unfamiliar to him, though it had the same muted tone of the room he had been staying in previously. There was a difference in the white walls and medical supplies that surrounded him. It was looking more and more like a hospital.

He was alone, yet for the first time since he woke up all that time ago there was evidence of someone else having been there. Giving it more than a curious once over, he could see that the room was a bit of a mess. Also, looking down, he realized that someone had changed his clothes to a pair of sweatpants and a sweater stating S.T.A.R. Labs. 

Before he could stop it, the life of a speedster crossed his vision, familiar only as much as the millions of others that have repeated before his eyes since he had woken up alone. He groaned in annoyance as he concentrated on pushing the visions back.

A door opened and a man appeared with a tray of food. “Good. You’re up. Now you can tell your friends that you’re fine and then you can all get out of my lab.”

The visions invaded his mind once more, this time all of them being of this man. They were stronger now, more like those when he had first woken. He couldn’t quite push them away but at least he knew the man’s name. “Hartley Rathaway?” His voice was hoarse, his throat dry and painful from lack of use. He could barely even hear himself.

Hartley heard him however. “How do you know my name?” He asked as he passed over the glass of water from the tray.

“Long story,” he said after quickly draining the cup. The water helped cool his throat but his voice was still just a whisper. His head was pounding now.

It seemed this Hartley had no problem understanding him and a quick look to the timeline around them showed him why. “Try me. I’d rather be in here than dealing with that mess out there.” Hartley pointed behind him to the door after setting the tray down. He then handed him the cup again after refilling it with water from the pitcher beside his cot. 

He was too distracted in the life playing before him to respond let alone take the offered cup. The visions were too strong to ignore anyway. He had seen it before, he was sure he had seen every one’s life in his time since waking, but this was not one of the overly familiar ones. There were a handful of lives that would play over and over, more so than the others. He assumed there had to be a reason. Maybe he knew them.

The man waved his hand in front of his face and spoke, “Earth to Leonard.” 

The visions still played out before him but he could hear the other’s voice. The pain made it hard to think, but he was determined to get answers. “Who’s Leonard?” He asked. The name was familiar, more so than the visions he submitted to.

The other man laughed. “You’re joking, right?” When he received no come back, Hartley’s smile fell. “You’re Leonard.”

He took a moment to try and pull his name from his mind, but he came back with dozens. Leonard did feel the most right. He supposed that could be his name. “How do you know my name?” He deflected instead of drawing on the panic that briefly flooded him. It never occurred to him that he had a name.

The man observed him as he answered. “Your friends have been taking up space in my lab for a month trying to find you.”

“My friends?” He couldn’t remember his own name let alone any friends who would be looking for him. The panic was getting harder to shove off.

“Yes. Ray and Mick? Ring any bells?” Hartley looked as if he was trying hard not to be interested in what was happening. Yet the curiosity was evident on his face. He couldn't stop the scientist in him from spinning theories and asking questions. When his only answer was silence he continued, “Well, do you know why you can’t remember anything?”

He contemplated how much he should tell a man he just met but he would never figure this out on his own. A look at the man’s timeline technically told him everything he needed to know anyway. The visions sharpened on the event of the man’s history that made up his mind. A pivotal change in the man’s life where he chose good over evil. Hartley may have had a past but the good intentions were there. 

He chose to accept the help. “It may have something to do with the billions of lives I’ve been living for who knows how long.”

Hartley stared at him, blinking twice before stating, “I think I’m going to need a deeper explanation for that.”

He sighed, rubbing his face wearily before answering. “The only memory I have is waking up and being able to watch the history of everything and every possibility to every life on earth.”

“You mean to tell me that you can see every aspect of everyone’s lives?” He sounded equal parts confused and skeptical. 

He shrugged. “More like the important parts and the turning points.” It was weird explaining this to another for the first time. The more he spoke, the more ridiculous he was sure he sounded. Then again, this entire situation was ridiculous.

“Prove it.” Hartley stated after a moment. “You and I have never met. Tell me about myself.”

As the man set back, ready to prove him wrong or right, he collected himself. After giving himself a few moments to breathe he looked to the timeline to pull out a few specific points. “You were fired from a place you loved because a man you looked up to turned out to be an ass.” 

Hartley snorted a laugh. “Yeah you could say that” 

Seemingly, his analysis was being accepted so he continued, “You call yourself the Pied Piper,” his added inflection on the end questioned the name rather than stating it. 

Hartley nodded. “Yes, but this is still all things that you could easily find out.”

He dug deeper into the life playing before him, trying to find something the man hadn’t shared with anyone else. “This is your lab and you’re working on a… mind controlling flute?” He had seen a lot of weird timelines but controlling people through music was pretty unique. He briefly watched the timeline to see if it actually played out in one of them.

Hartley nodded, seemingly satisfied. “I haven’t told anyone about that yet.”

After both confirming and denying the working probability of the flute, he asked, “Does that mean I pass your little test?”

Hartley hummed in thought. “I suppose for now.”

Before they could do anything else, the door opened once more. A man stepped into the room and with him another wave of visions. Only this life was hardly linear. One moment the man was in the present, next in the past, and then he was in the future. It was giving him a migraine before the man could even open his mouth. 

“Leonard,” the man exclaimed, running forward and embracing him tightly. He couldn’t answer. He was too busy fighting back a wave of nausea that hit him due to the strength of the visions the moment they touched. But there was something within the visions, something stronger.

He  _ remembered _ . 

He could remember the feel of hands roaming on open skin. He could almost feel the press of lips on one another and a tongue sliding across them. Hands were intertwining with each other as the pleasure increased. And then at the height of the world, a name.

He opened his mouth to echo the whispered name, but he wasn’t sure he managed to make a sound. Before he knew it, he was fading back into the black.

* * *

He awoke later to a dark and empty room. He was alone once again. He sat up to take in his surroundings, trying to decipher between dream and reality which in recent times has become harder to do. The space he took in around him was the one he remembered waking in before. So that had been real. Now the question turned to if the conversation with a slightly irritated man was real or not. 

His head was throbbing, but that was nothing he wasn’t use to. He spotted a glass with some pills lying on the table beside his cot and took them quickly. Gulping down the water to refresh his aching throat. He supposed that was enough proof that another person was real.

He tried to focus on what made him pass out. He remembered another man entering and grabbing him. He remembered the pain and the nausea brought on from that moment. But that wasn't what made him pass out. It was the memory.

For the first time since he had first woken up alone, he had remembered something. An actual memory. He knew it must have been as it was more real than the visions. He could actually feel the touches and the emotions of that moment. The reality of it made him sure of what it was.

He was pulled from his musings as the door to the room opened. It was neither of the men he had met previously, but a woman with a kind smile. She greeted him as she approached, holding a bag Len could only guess was medical supplies. “Hello, Leonard. How are you feeling?” Her voice was soft and kind.

He slipped into her timeline just as he had with Hartley, having no choice but to watch as the visions washed over him. For someone with such a caring smile, she had a rough past. A rough present as well it seemed.

He pulled from his immersion in her timeline as he felt the slight pressure of a cuff  around his bicep. He put a hand on hers to stop her movements. “What are you doing,” his voice was still hoarse but he managed a louder volume at least.

The woman, Caitlin as the timeline told him, looked at him with confusion just on the edge of worry. “I told you I have to give you a check up to find out why you passed out. Besides, you’ve been missing for months. A check up is exactly what you need.” She waited until he released her hand to continue adding pressure to the cuff.

After a moment of silence as she recorded what the cuff told her, she took it off and asked, “What do you remember?” 

He almost laughed. That was a loaded question. “About what?”

She shined a light in his eyes as she explained, “How about the explosion?”

He blinked rapidly as she moved the light from his eyes to his ears. “Explosion?”

She switched to the other ear before replying, “You don't remember blowing up something called the Oculus?”

He tried to recall an explosion but that only brought up a history of explosions flowing across his vision. “No,” he managed to get out around the pain brought on by the rapid display of bombings streaming around him.

He couldn't see Caitlin as she moved on to her next item on the check up to do list. In fact he squeezed his eyes shut in pain, bringing his hand up to rub his forehead. Each explosion brought a new bout of pain to his head.

“Leonard?” He opened his eyes to see her worried face. “What's wrong?”

“Headache,” he said through gritted teeth.

“How bad is it.” Caitlin began rummaging through the bag she brought, pulling out a couple pill bottles.

“Like a building fell on it,” he closed his eyes again. The double images of reality and history were only making it worse.

He could hear the shaking of pills before two were forced into his hand with a glass of water in his other. “Take these. They should help.

“I'm use to it,” he said truthfully but he still did as he was told. It wouldn't hurt to knock the edge off.

“How long have you had these headaches?” Caitlin got that confused worried look on her face again as she went back to the chart she had been filling out. 

“How long did you say I was gone for?” He asked back. 

She scribbled something down on the chart before asking, “How often do you have them?”

“I don’t remember a time where my head didn't hurt at least slightly.” The intensity of the headache might have changed to something manageable before coming here but there was still an ache.

There was a pause in Caitlin’s writing as she stared up at him with something akin to surprise on her face. “You've been in pain all this time?”

He shrugged. “Yes.” 

“Do you know why?” She asked.

He sighed. The pounding in his head only getting worse the longer they spoke. The pills weren’t kicking in fast enough. “I assume it's something to do with these visions.” Currently he had gone from Caitlin’s life to watching the construction of the town she was living in. 

“Hartley mentioned something about visions,” she stated absently. “Can you tell me about them? More than what you told him that is.”

“I don’t know what there is to say.” He paused to gather his thoughts. “They're constant. I see the history of the earth, past present and future, but I also see the lives of people too.”

“You said constantly. Does that mean you can see them now?” She asked to which he nodded in affirmation. “But you still see what's going on around you?”

He nodded again, adding, “ They overlap mostly, unless the visions are stronger.”

“No wonder your head hurts. It's overloaded with information.” Caitlin stated before going back to scribble on her chart.

“Tell me about it,” he mumbled.

Caitlin went back to the exam then, asking questions about the visions and his lost memory as she went. In the end, she gave him a mostly clean bill of health. “Besides the headaches, there's nothing seriously wrong. Some dehydration maybe but nothing like it should be after so long. I don't quite understand it but I suppose we don’t know much about the speed force anyways.”

“Speed force?” Len questioned. The pills had finally started to kick in and the pain had dulled. 

“That's where we found you,” she explained. “We can only assume that the explosion from the Oculus some how transported you into it.”

He snorted in amusement. He had no idea what any of that meant but it sounded amusing. He went along with it, not really having the energy to continue asking questions. 

“How's your head?” Caitlin asked, packing up her bag and setting it to the side. 

“Peachy,” he said monotonously. At a look from Caitlin, he elaborated. “It still hurts but it's better.”

Caitlin nodded, accepting the answer. “We’ll have to play around with the prescription to find the one that works best for your sensory overload. It may take a while.”

“Well I've waited this long,” he stated with a drawl, “what's another few weeks?”

“Do you feel up for company?” She asked. “I know Ray and Mick are dying to see you.”

“You've got some harder drugs than this?” He wasn't sure how much overload more than one person would bring let alone more. It had to be painful at least. After all, he passed out after the second person entered the room.

Caitlin frowned. “I can administer something if it gets too bad.” 

He thought about it. He remembered something the last time he was confronted with more than one person. Maybe he would again. It was an appealing thought. “Okay. Let's see what I can handle.”

Caitlin nodded and went to the door to beckon whoever was outside. A few moments later his vision was bombarded with the lives of four more people, including the two he had witnessed before. He was so overloaded that took everything in him not to get lost in the timelines. 

He didn’t know how long he was blocked from reality. When the visions started to fade into the background and he came back to reality, there were five people in the room, all stationed in various places around the room. Caitlin sat next to him, messing with an IV she must have placed while he was deep in timelines. 

Hartley stood next to the door by a man he vaguely recognized as the one to pull him out of what he now knew was the speed force. There was a man he didn't remember leaning in the corner. However he knew from the visions that his name was Mick.

Finally, on his other side sat a man he recognized as the one to cause his blackout and memory flash.  _ Raymond _ . He actually remembered this name, remembered whispering it. This was a man he was more than a little close to. It scared him, both the not fully remembering him and the closeness he felt with the man.

Caitlin noticed his awareness and offered him a small smile. “Hey. How's your head?” 

Now that she mentioned it, his head wasn’t in as much pain as he expected. It was still throbbing by it wasn't splitting his skull in two. “Not too bad.”

“Good,” her smile widened. “I added some morphine to your IV. Just a small dosage. We’ll see how that holds up.” 

He nodded in understanding. “What did I miss.”

“I was just filling in everyone on your situation,” she explained.

“Do you really not remember anything?” The man next to him asked. He refused to look in his direction. There was something about his face that radiated pain in his chest. He assumed it had something to do with his memories but decided to blame the puppy quality of his eyes.

He merely shook his head in reply. The ache in his head was slowly increasing as he give up on suppressing the visions around him. Instead he let them wash over him, overlapping the scenes of reality. He was too drained to battle them at the moment.

“But you have visions?” He nodded in the direction of the man asking the question. He learned he was called Cisco from his timeline. “About us?” Cisco continued questioning. He shrugged with one shoulder in answer, wanting to move the least amount he could. “What is that suppose to mean?”

He sighed, closing his eyes against the double image of reality and time. “I can see time.” His voice was still hoarse, despite the water Caitlin supplied him with.

“Time as in what?” Cisco asked.

Len was getting increasingly more annoyed at the line of questioning. His head was killing him now and every sound, every movement, brought a wave of pain. Apparently the dosage Caitlin gave him could only do so much. “I can see the past and future of everything and everyone.” He opened his eyes with a wince. The light hurt but being without sight among strangers was not something his nature allowed him to do.

Cisco continued his interrogation, “So you can tell us how and when we all die?” 

The puppy dog eyed man stage whispers,  _ spoilers _ , to which the brutish man, Mick, snorted.

“I could,” He admitted, but quickly added, “but I won’t.” Having spent what was apparently months surfing through time, He knew there would be repercussions in giving anyone a peek into their future.

“Can you travel through time?” Cisco asked. “On your own, I mean.”

“Not that I know of,” he sighed rubbing his temples. He had thought being alone was torture. It was nothing compared to this interrogation. 

Caitlin intervened then, “Okay guys, I think that's enough for today. We need to let him rest.”

He silently thanked her as she ushered the others out of the small room. He was exhausted and more than ready to be alone. Not just because the visions would subside either.

“Sorry about them,” she sighed, straightening up the medical supplies around her. “I wanted to test the boundaries of your limits but they all wanted to get their questions in. It was too much at once.”

He gave her a small smile. “It's alright. It would have happened at one point or another.” 

“Get your rest, Leonard,” Caitlin said, accepting his dismissal. “I’ll check up on you in a bit.”

Finally alone, He was able to reflect on the latest events. He met people, people who knew him in what he was tempted to call his previous life. He also had his first real memory flash since his first weakening in the speed force. It was a busy day.

He had also learned his name, Leonard. He turned it around in his mind, trying it out. It felt right. He said it out loud, triggering visions of a man. It was the most familiar timeline he had seen and he was sure it was his own. A major clue being that it was the only one he couldn't see past the present. It was like there was a wall preventing him from moving forward.

It was frustrating.knowledge of his future might have given him insight on how to handle his current situation. He wasn't sure how this all would play out. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried. His timeline made him even more so.

There were things in his past he didn’t want to ever remember. Yet there were more that he wished he could. It was confusing and without knowing how it could play out, he wasn't sure whether he should try remembering or not. It was also possible that he wouldn't ever remember.

There was also the issue of the pain that would no doubt be apart of this process. Just being on his own hurt let alone the pain he would experience with five more people. Or the amount of testing that would have to be done.

Then there were the feelings of those around him. The man who stood in the corner, Mick, his timeline showed how close they were. Best friends. He also had a sister apparently, though she wasn't with the others. Then there was the puppy eyes man. This Raymond that apparently meant so much to him. It was too much expectation he wasn't sure he could live up to.

He spent a while contemplating this debate. There were benefits to both outcomes that he couldn't deny. His problem was deciding which was better. Eventually, it came down to want. 

While he decided, visions of the previous him sharing a life with those around him flooded in. Late nights watching movies with his sister. Car chases through the city with Mick. The domesticity of the crew that surrounded him before the explosion. Raymond’s eyes lighting up with laughter.

He wanted the life that being Leonard offered him. He wanted a family, with his sister and with the friends he had made before. He wanted the love that Raymond had to offer. He wanted a life.

Right now all he could do was watch these events unfold. He was cut off from the emotions of them. He couldn't experience them for himself and he hated it.

As he drifted off to sleep he decided he had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys! I had to finish my last semester of college and there was graduation too. Then my laptop took a massive shit on me so I had to find alternator means of getting the chapter done and posted. Like I'm currently on my mother's old ass laptop, struggling with the slowness, just to bring this to you. 
> 
> But I really wanted to get this up today as you all have waited enough and Mimi sent it back to me at like one in the morning today. Plus, it's my birthday so it's like my little gift to all of you, as well as myself because I enjoy seeing all your reactions to each new chapter. 
> 
> Anyway, come speak Oculus!Len to me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) or just come scream at me in general. Also be sure to give a big thanks to [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) who despite dying of overworking herself, took the time to edit the chapter. She's the real MVP.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Any ideas on what happened to him?” Hartley asked.   
> Cisco looked between Ray and Mick. “This seems like a time traveler thing. Do you guys have any ideas?”  
> “It sounded a lot like what Rip told us about the Oculus,” Ray responded, having been instantly reminded of the conversation from months ago. “Maybe the explosion had something to do with it?” It couldn’t be a coincidence that the thing that blew him up was now presenting itself in Leonard’s mind. It made sense to Ray that they would be related in some way.  
> “How is it even possible for an explosion to cause this?”

Mick was on his third beer before anyone spoke up, and even then, it was an echo of the question they all had. 

“Any ideas on what happened to him?” Hartley asked. He was seated a fair distance from the others, yet still could not hide the fact that he was actually invested in the matter at hand.

Cisco looked between Ray and Mick. “This seems like a time traveler thing. Do you guys have any ideas?”

“It sounded a lot like what Rip told us about the Oculus,” Ray responded, having been instantly reminded of the conversation from months ago. “Maybe the explosion had something to do with it?” It couldn’t be a coincidence that the thing that blew him up was now presenting itself in Leonard’s mind. It made sense to Ray that they would be related in some way.

“How is it even possible for an explosion to cause this?” Hartley asked, always willing to play devil’s advocate. 

Ray shrugged. “Probably the same way it’s possible for Barry to run so fast and Cisco to teleport?” Science may be able to explain many things but coming up with an exact explanation for this was difficult to say the least. To be honest, he had stopped trying to explain certain things with science a long time ago.

Caitlin spoke up, eyebrows furrowed in thought, “Do you think it could be like what happened to Ronnie and Professor Stein?” 

“What, like Leonard absorbing the life energy of the Oculus?” Cisco paused before continuing, “I suppose it’s possible that’s what happened. Except a little different since they weren’t two people?” His words inflected on the end, showing his uncertainty. He quickly turned to Ray. “The Oculus wasn’t a person, right?”

Ray shook his head. “Not that I saw. It was more of a,” he paused, trying to find the right word, “machine?”

“Still,” Caitlin interjected, “Energy is energy. It’s entirely possible that Leonard absorbed it in the explosion.”

“Or that it latched onto him in an attempt to survive,” Hartley added.

“But Ray just said that it was a machine not a person,” Cisco argued. “It wouldn’t have the mind for it.”

“He didn’t sound to sure of that statement,” Hartley answered, going on to further his reasoning, “Besides, being a machine doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a consciousness.”

“You mean like an AI?” Ray asked. He paused to consider the thought after Hartley nodded his affirmation. “I suppose it could have been something like that.” Though the thought of a parasitic relationship was not a pleasant one.

The more they hashed out this theory, the more likely it seemed that Leonard and the Oculus had become intertwined in some way. When a silence fell over them Ray glanced to Mick, wanting to know how he was taking this. However, Mick’s poker face was on in full and he had a damn good one.

Ray wasn't sure his face reflected the same strength. The whole situation was a bit overwhelming, especially given his firsthand experience with the Oculus. It brought up memories of that time and the losses suffered there. Though they had Leonard back, the grief lingered. A day couldn’t remove the months of sorrow he had lived in. Even if it could, Leonard wasn’t the same. It was almost as if he was still lost to them, to him. 

Wanting to get out of his head, Ray posed a question. One he was sure all of them had. “So how are we going to help him?” He glanced around at the others’ expressions. Mick was still stone faced, though Ray liked to think he could see through it to the concern he was sure the man felt for his friend. Caitlin looked just as lost as Ray felt. Cisco and Hartley however, looked deep in thought. 

“I might be able to design something that could help with the headaches,” Cisco stated after a moment of quiet contemplation. “I would need Hartley’s help though.” He looked to the other in askance. 

Hartley sighed, sounding irritated though Ray was starting to realize it was just a front. The more the man insisted on how irritating they all were, the more helpful he got. He seemed just as concerned as the rest of them. “I might be able to come up with something.”

“Then we have a plan?” Ray asked, excitement bleeding into his voice. “What can I do to help?”

“There’s going to be a lot of trial and error with this process. I could use your help with the design,” Cisco replied and then turned to his friend, “Caitlin, I might need your medical expertise when we start experimenting.”

Caitlin nodded. “I’ll be around when you need me.” 

Hartley moved to grab a board and clean it off. “We might as well get started then.”

“I’m thinking we could modify the cold goggles. Something to help him with the visions,” Cisco started, immediately getting into work mode. 

Caitlin smiled as Cisco and Hartley set to work. “I’m going to head back to S.T.A.R. Labs for now. Let me know if you need anything else,” She told Ray. 

Ray nodded. “Thank you for all of your help. I know none of you really liked him before,” he trailed off. Len had definitely made mistakes with the current group. Cisco especially. “I still can’t believe you all were actually willing to help.”

“We’ve all made mistakes.” A frown crossed her lips and she shrugged one shoulder. “You care for him so that’s all that matters.”

“Yeah,” Ray sighed. “I do.” 

Caitlin offered him a small smile. “Don’t worry too much.” She nodded to Hartley and Cisco who were rapidly filling the board with equations and designs. “When they stop bickering, there’s nothing they can’t do.” 

Ray laughed. “Think they can bring his memories back?”

Caitlin nodded. “I’m sure as soon as the sensory overload is taken care of he should be able to start remembering things.”

Ray decided to accept her medical opinion. “Thank you, Caitlin.”

She smiled, resting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s no problem, Ray. Seriously.”

He nodded and exchanged goodbyes as she left. Caitlin had soothed some of his worries for now, but his stomach was still twisted in a knot. Looking around, he found Mick in the same spot, beer in hand. He moved to stand next to him.

“So what are your thoughts on all this?”

“Don’t have any,” Mick grunted out. 

Ray frowned. “You have to have some.” 

Mick was silent for long enough to convince Ray he wasn’t willing to talk. However, right before Ray was about to give up and walk over to the two scientists, Mick stated simply, “He’s different.”

Ray had spent enough time with Mick to hear all the implications behind the simple statement. “He’s still Leonard. He’s just,” he trailed off, trying to find the best word for it. “Lost?”

Mick snorted. “That’s one word for it.”

“We’ll get our Leonard back. It just might take a bit of time and effort,” he tried reassuring both of them.

“Joy,” Mick snarked, punctuating the word with a sip from his bottle. 

Ray hoped that some of his optimism would rub off on the big man sooner or later. Leonard would be fine. They just had to trust in their friends a little and be patient. 

* * *

Leonard was not fine. It had been a week worth of experiments and not enough progress. The optimism Ray had gone into the week with was dwindling more and more with each failed version of the goggles. He wasn’t giving up hope just yet, but the tasked seemed a little more daunting than it did before.

However, a positive had come out of the week. They had learned a lot about the new ability Leonard had acquired. For instance, the visions became stronger when in close proximity to a trigger, which in most cases was a person. When he came in contact with a trigger the visions were overwhelming, which explained why he passed out when Ray hugged him. He could also sense the disturbance of time in Mick and Ray. He claimed that Hartley and Cisco felt different as well, but he couldn’t explain why until Cisco cleared it up.

“So who were we before?” Hartley asked after having listened to Cisco’s explanation, looking slightly concerned. “What changed?”

Cisco shrugs. “Not much. Just some people have powers that didn’t before. Oh, and my brother was apparently alive in the past.” The bitterness still clung to his voice though he had long forgiven Barry for the mistake.

“You can sense all that.” Hartley turned to Leonard who had been quietly listening. Or maybe he was timeline surfing, as Ray had begun calling Len’s near constant slip into the visions. At the time, Ray wasn’t quite able to tell them apart. 

Leonard shrugged. “I can tell something is off. I guess it’s the change in the course of time or something.”

“You’re just like Gideon then,” Ray pondered aloud. 

“Who’s Gideon?” Harley asked.

“The AI aboard the Waverider,” Cisco jumped to answer. “It’s pretty awesome.”

“Oh. Cool.” Hartley stated in a disinterested voice before going back to adjusting his calculations. 

“She was able to tell when there are disturbances in the timeline and we swoop in to fix them,” Ray explained.

Mick snorted, adding, “Or make ‘em worse.”

Ray nodded, having to agree. “Yeah but we fixed them in the end. Mostly.” 

Leonard laughed quietly. “Yeah, I see that.” Obviously, he had been through their timelines enough to witness what he couldn’t remember.

That was another thing they had learned over the week. While Leonard couldn’t remember his past, he could still view the major parts of it through visions. He had also told them that he couldn’t see his own future.

“What about futures you’re in,” Ray had asked one night, after a failed version of the goggles experiment. “Can you see them?”

Leonard had shrugged. “I wouldn’t know.”

“What about in my future.” Before Leonard could protest, Ray raised a hand to stop him. “I know you can’t tell me my future but can’t you say whether you can see yourself in it?”

Leonard had sighed and got that far off look in his eyes that Ray had begun to contribute to his time surfing. Ray took the time to observe Leonard. He looked worn out. There were lines on his face that weren’t there before, along with bags under his eyes. He had lost weight in the time spent in the speedforce, weight he hadn’t gained since returning since his appetite was lacking. In short, Ray was worried about the toll the visions were having on him.

When the look finally dissipated, Leonard looked puzzled. “I can’t.”

Ray’s heart sunk. “You’re not in my future?” 

Leonard shook his head. “I can’t see a lot of your future.”

“So then you must be in it right?” Ray stated with a wide grin. Hearing that Leonard was in his future brought a lot of hope. Leonard would get better.

“It could be that,” Leonard acknowledged with a nod and if you asked Ray, he looked a little pleased at that prospect.

Even though Leonard could view his past, Ray had been hesitant to bring up the topic of their relationship. For one, Leonard had not brought it up himself yet. Ray thought maybe Leonard needed more time to process it. Another reason he hadn’t brought it up was what Mick had stated the week before. Leonard was different. What if he didn’t want a relationship now? 

So Ray had chose to wait until Leonard got his memories back. He was certain that once Leonard could remember how much he loved him, that everything would finally be alright. It felt selfish, but if Ray was honest, he hardly cared. He just wanted his Leonard back.

However, after a week of no progress, Ray decided that unless he never wanted to know, he should at least approach Leonard and ask. So, after Leonard had finished his test of the ‘time goggles’, as Cisco had taken to calling them against Hartley’s protests, Ray approached Leonard with a beer. 

“You look like you could use a drink,” Ray smiled as he offered the bottle to Leonard.

Leonard took the bottle from him. “Thanks,” he drawled. 

Ray took a seat next to him and began picking at the label on his own bottle. He was nervous. The more he thought about the conversation in front of them the more he was afraid to approach it. They were in a good place before and they were in a good place now. Bringing up the past could make it awkward and that was the last thing Ray wanted. 

“I can tell you want to talk about something,” Leonard stated, taking a swig from his bottle. “Spill.”

Ray sighed. It was now or never he supposed. “How come you haven’t asked about us?”

“And who’s us?” Leonard asked, but the way he tensed up told Ray he knew exactly who ‘us’ was. 

“You and me,” he replied simply. “You can see the past so you have to know we were together.”

Leonard shrugged. “You never brought it up either.”

Ray acknowledged the fact, “That’s fair, but still.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Ray,” Leonard sighed.

At his name, Ray frowned. He missed the sound of his full name in Leonard’s drawling voice. “I just want to know why.”

Leonard looked away from Ray. It was different than when he was sucked into the timelines around him. Eventually he looked back, face closed off from showing emotion. “I can’t give you what you want right now. I can’t  _ remember _ you. The emotions,” here he swallowed thickly before continuing, “they just aren’t there.”

Ray’s heart pinged with hurt for just a moment. “Okay.” He could tell Leonard wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he supposed he could understand the disconnection between memories and visions. 

“I’m sorry,” Leonard looked away. Ray wanted to laugh. Leonard Snart apologizing for hurting someone’s feelings. It was funny in a melancholic way. “Maybe after this is all sorted out, but I don’t want to start something when I’m not completely in it.”

“No, I get that,” Ray stated. As much as it hurt, he did understand. “It would be unfair to both of us.”

Leonard looked relieved at Ray’s understanding. “Exactly.”

Ray stood up, holding up his full beer bottle. “I’m going to get another,” he announced lamely. He needed an excuse to get out of the room for a moment. 

Though he could clearly see through the excuse, Leonard let him go and Ray quickly walked into the makeshift kitchen Hartley had built a month ago when they all basically moved into the lab. Once secluded away, Ray allowed the emotions to flood onto his face. Covering his eyes he lapsed into the sorrow he felt.

Leonard’s reasoning made sense, still, it was painful. Fate was cruel for constantly throwing them together just to pull them apart. His only hope was for Cisco and Hartley to finally figure out the goggles. Then and only then, could they work on Leonard’s memories. 

Ray wiped the wetness from his eyes and took a large swig from the previously abandoned beer bottle. Until then he would have to keep his emotions in check. As much as he missed Leonard in the romantic sense, he valued the tentative friendship they had gotten back in the past week. He would settle for that for now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slinks into your inbox in shame. I'M SO SORRY GUYS. I am a horrible human being for making you all wait so long. I have a list of excuses that no one wants to hear. Life man, just life. You all have my best friend to thank for this chapter too. Being stuck in a Starbucks for 6 hours really puts you in the writing mood. Who knew. (Also I wrote this thing on said best friend's Mac just for all of you. I hated it. You're welcome.)
> 
> Anyways, finally an update! I want to get back to a set schedule of updating but I can't promise anything. My replacement laptop is a cheap POS so I hate using it. Also, as mentioned before, I myself am a POS. So I'll try. There are like two more days where I will be stuck in Starbucks so we'll see... You can always shout at me on my [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) if it gets too late.
> 
> As always a big thank you to [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) for putting up with my late ass and beta reading so fast.
> 
> And a very special very big thank you to all of you readers who have stuck with me through this hiatus. Y'all are saints, really.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the decrease in pain came the increase of memories. Emotions had started attaching themselves to visions of his own past. He could remember the feel of his little sister’s hand in his own, the heat of the flames as Mick burnt his way through a building, and the fear of growing up in a household under his father’s fist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA HA YEAH SORRY GUYS. Life man. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. (And the tumble down a really big hole but that’s another story.)
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy an extra long chapter just for the long wait!

A month after being pulled out of the speed force, Leonard had finally started making progress. The pain he had once felt became much more manageable and with a regiment of pills from Caitlin, he could function at a normal capacity. He could finally think without his brain wanting to explode.

Another positive development was in his control of the visions. With the near daily practice, he was now able to push the visions to the back of his consciousness. He still felt pain when ‘time surfing’ as Ray favored calling it, however, it was more manageable than before. 

The most important development had been in his memories. With the decrease in pain came the increase of memories. Emotions had started attaching themselves to visions of his own past. He could remember the feel of his little sister’s hand in his own, the heat of the flames as Mick burnt his way through a building, and the fear of growing up in a household under his father’s fist.

As happy as this made him, he was also confused. The emotions came unexpectedly and in random moments. One second he was just a bystander in a memory of his team storming a Russian Gulag, the next he was overwhelmed with the anger, fear, and heartache he felt upon finding Ray passed out in a cell. He saw it all, first person style, as he chose to leave the man he loved. He remembered making that decision and why he did so, the argument he had within himself that would haunt him afterwards. Then, moments later, he was back to being a spectator in pulling the unconscious man out of the prison. 

For this reason, he hadn’t brought up his memory to the group he found himself currently working with. There would be too much expectation, especially between Ray and Mick. He couldn’t sort through the confusing haze of his feelings with them prying into what this meant for their relationships.

The conversation Leonard and Ray had weeks ago still haunted him. The disappointed and hurt look on Ray’s normally optimistic face was a look he wanted to avoid having a repeat appearance of. Once his memories had started and those emotions were attached, as well as the thoughts, a hurting Raymond was something Leonard needed to avoid at all costs. Hence why he was currently avoiding the man’s eyes from Ray’s spot next to Mick.

The other issue pressing on him was his relationship with Mick. The man who had once been his best friend had been avoiding him since he was pulled from the hell-space of the speed force. Mick was always on the outskirts of the group. Even now, as they began the umptenth test of the Time Goggles, Mick was leaning up against the wall with a beer in hand and a grumpy expression on his face. He never joined the gathering around Leonard, choosing instead to watch from afar. With Leonard’s memories slowly coming back, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little hurt. However, he also knew that this was who Mick was, just as he knew that everything would be alright once his life finally settled into a semblance of what it once was.

His contemplation was broken as Cisco approached him with the latest version of the goggles. “Okay,” Cisco started, taking a breath, “We were close the last time so I think this version might be it.” It was a near repeat of what had been said for the past week. Indeed they were close to what they were trying to achieve, but it was always just shy of perfect. 

The hope was that the goggles would help him maneuver through the visions with ease, pulling out only the information he wanted. It also would hopefully help with the pain that came with the task. The last few days they had finally gotten a few of the elements right. The first day he could finally pinpoint one specific timeline, though not a specific event. By the end of the day, they were close to narrowing it down, however he left the experiments with a splitting headache that no pain medication could help. 

The next day they worked on the pain element, mostly because Cisco was called away for a Team Flash meeting and this was the thing that Hartley felt the most confident with. The pain was managed by ultrasound waves emitted from the goggles themselves. Soundwaves being a specialty of Hartley’s, he worked diligently to find the right frequency that would alleviate Leonard’s pain but avoid harming him. It took the whole day but by the end of it, only a minimal amount of pain was caused by the visions he pulled up with the goggles help.

After the pain factor was managed, they had a period without any advancement. Cisco was unable to join them due to developments with the speedster his team was fighting. As much as Leonard wanted to help, he knew the repercussions of giving them any help in the matter, despite the insistence on Cisco’s part.  Eventually the team would figure it out and the outcome was decent so Leonard felt no harm in withholding this information. 

At the end of the week, Cisco came back to Hartley’s lab and they were able to finally put the, hopefully, finishing touches on the goggles. It was the light at the end of a long tunnel, and a step towards Leonard being able to step outside this lab for the first time. Something that Caitlin had forbidden until he could handle the visions or until the goggles were available to use if he got overwhelmed. 

Leonard reached out for the goggles, slipping them on without any hesitation. The lab took on a familiar blue tint as he pushed on the side to activate the goggles. “So what are we viewing today?” He asked, a comfortable drawl came over his voice with the reassuring hue. 

“How about May 15th, 2013?” Hartley asked from his place at Cisco’s side, causing the other man to shoot him a look Leonard deemed too personal to interpret. 

Instead of watching the silent exchange of the engineers before him, Leonard concentrated on that date. First he tried pulling up the day, flipping through the construction of a building in the Middle East to a party in France. Next he tried to bring up Hartley’s version of the day by correlating the date with the man. It took a moment, but eventually he was able to slip into the view of Hartley in an office. “Got it,” He claimed as he watched Hartley rise from his seat. 

The Hartley of the present made a noise of approval as Cisco sighed. “Alright, can you tell us what is happening?”

Leonard took a minute to observe the scene around him. Hartley had gone from his office to another’s, asking for a game of chess. “You’ve begun a game of chess with Harrison Wells,” Leonard stated. He knew who the other man was from repeated attempts of testing the goggles. A lot of Cisco’s suggestions for events involved this man. Or rather, versions of the man.

There was a weighted silence that always followed the mentioning of past Harrison Wells before Cisco asked, “Okay can you tell us what happened after the chess match?”

Leonard attempted to fast forward the vision, something he had been unable to do with pinpoint precision in previous attempts. This time, he was able to tune into the final moments of the match with ease. He could feel the smirk that turned up the corners of his mouth at finally succeeding. Watching the scene play out, he understood the looks between Cisco and Hartley earlier. “So this is how you first met?”

Another sigh from Cisco confirmed his not quite question. “So we’re good on the past,” the man stated as Leonard watched the past version of this man get called out over his rather amusing t-shirt. “Let’s go for the future.”

Leonard pulled out of the vision, focusing again on the present moment. Though he could do so himself now, it was easier with the goggles. It was also a lot less painful. “Where to?” He asked, a tinge of excitement at the prospects of the goggles actually working.

Ray, who had been observing quietly until this moment spoke up, drawing Leonard’s attention. “How about 2166?”

Leonard frowned, stating, “We’ve been to 2166.” They typically avoided events that Leonard participated in himself as those were always the easiest for him to view. They found out early on that it messed with results. 

“Yeah, but we didn’t participate in what happened with Rip’s family,” Ray reasoned. “It’s something that we know enough about to test.” 

Leonard looked to Hartley and Cisco, the latter of which shrugged. “Should be okay, I think.”

With no further explanation needed, Len slipped into the visions. It was easy to find 2166, though he started out with his personal view of it. His conversation with Savage’s daughter played out from his point of view, a memory it seemed, rather than a vision. He allowed himself to remember the solidarity of speaking, one abuse victim to another, before searching out for Vandal Savage’s hunt for Rip’s family. It took a moment, but soon he was able to see Vandal storming through a war torn London towards Martha and Jonas. “Got it.” 

This vision was much stronger than most from the future. It was as if he was watching a scene from the past that was already set in motion. Leonard assumed that meant Rip’s family’s deaths were fixed points on the timeline. Len may not like the man very much but no one deserved to lose their loved ones forever.

“What do you see?” Cisco asked, thorough in his testing.

“Vandal approaching Rip’s wife and son,” Leonard stated. He watched the man converse with Martha before shooting her in front of her son. Still narrating what he saw, he took a breath before saying, “He shot her.” Vandal then turned his back on Jonas and Leonard had a split second of believing the monster actually chose to spare the boy. However, Savage quickly turned and fired without warning, killing Rip’s boy.

Leonard took off the goggles quickly, not wanting to see anymore. His tentative respect for Rip and general nature of protection he felt for children causing his heart to hurt. Taking the goggles off without pushing the visions back was a poor move as he was suddenly overwhelmed by the visions and thus a burst of pain. Taking a minute to wave them off, he finally looked up at the questioning gazes of the group. “He shot Jonas too,” was all he said in response.

Sympathetic looks crossed the faces of the group serving only to piss Leonard off. He hated it. He didn’t need anyone’s pity. In order to stave off those looks, he chose to change the subject, “So the goggles work, what now?” 

Cisco and Hartley immediately took to the subject change, suggesting that it was time for a field test. Ray kept looking at him with the same sympathetic puppy dog look so Leonard looked towards the one stone-faced man of the group. Mick was still leaning against the wall, empty bottle hanging from his hand and a sour expression on his face. 

Trusting the engineering duo to figure out the logistics of a field test on their own, Leonard moved towards Mick. He’d had enough of the uncertainty between them. “How about another beer?” He himself could use one to take off the edge of the pain and the ache of the memory from before.

Mick looked at him with what Leonard knew to be contemplation. It was a look many confused for another of Mick’s glares. With Leonard’s memories also came the ability to tell between the different slight expressions the other man made. It was surprisingly comforting. Eventually Mick nodded his agreement and lead the way to the kitchen. Leonard purposely avoided Ray’s eye as they moved. He wasn’t ready for the conversation the man wanted to have.

Once secluded in the kitchen, Mick asked, “So what’s the occasion?” He reached into the fridge for two beers, handing one to Len before settling back on the counter.

Len copied his movements, taking a sip from his bottle before answering, “I remember us getting wasted before any form of emotional talk happened. I was hoping this would actually get you to speak to me.” 

Mick snorted, “I figured you had gotten your memories back.” A look of surprise came over Leonard before Mick explained, “We’ve been partners for years. As much as you can read me, I can read you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Len asked. Though he supposed it wasn’t in Mick’s nature to bring it up without prompting.

“I figured you would bring it up when you were ready,” Mick shrugged, “Didn’t wanna ruin your plans.” He then took a pointed swig from his bottle.

That’s how Leonard realized that Mick was still pissed. “I don’t have a plan with this,” he admitted, hoping that being so open would lessen Mick’s anger. 

“Did you have a plan when you blew yourself up?” Mick asked, clueing in to the true source of his ire. 

Leonard knew that those close to him would have many questions about those final moments, as well as repressed anger that would need to be sorted through, with either fists or deep conversations. Neither of which he was eager to take part in, but when pressed, he would admit he missed his and Mick’s closeness. The larger man had always been a reassuring force at his side. He was only ever at half power when Mick and him were seriously fighting. 

“I don’t know,” He replied honestly. While he had been regaining memories, he still lacked the ones from the Vanishing Point. Ray once told him that the Oculus couldn’t predict what happened within the edge of time where the Vanishing Point lies. He supposed that’s why those memories were slow to return. He didn’t have the assistance of already existing visions.

Mick observed him for a moment. “You don’t know?” He snorted in disbelief. “The great Leonard Snart doesn’t know something. Imagine that.”

Leonard sighed. Mick was never an easy one to calm once angered, yet Len at least hoped he wouldn’t be so resistant to what he had to say. “I only remember what the Oculus shows me,” he tried to explain. “The thoughts and feelings in those moments. The Vanishing Point is out of its view.”

Another moment of contemplation later, Mick sighed, “So you don’t remember everything.”

“It comes and goes,” Len admitted. 

Mick took a moment to pull out two more beers before changing the subject, seemingly deciding the current topic needed no further explaining for now. “So you remember Haircut then?”

Len accepted the beer handed to him and took a swig before answering, “For the most part, yes.” This was a subject he would rather avoid, but he had finally got Mick talking to him again and was hesitant to end the moment. Besides, Mick had always been a good sounding board for his emotions and this was something else that needed to be sorted out sooner or later.

“Why aren’t you two hanging off each other then?” Mick asked after chugging half his bottle. It seemed the subject wasn’t one he was looking forward to either.

Leonard shrugged, picking at the label of his bottle. “I haven’t told him I remember him yet.” At the other’s questioning gaze, Len sighed and elaborated, “These things I remember, the feelings,” He drew out the last word in emphasis, or more likely disgust, “They’re confusing.” He had never been a fan of dealing with his own feelings. It was part of the reason Ray and him had such a rocky past.

“How confusing could they be?” Mick asked and then finished off his beer. “You love him don’t cha?”

Len paused to think about it. He knew he did before, but with all these new developments did he still? He supposed he had to actually spend time with the other man before he could answer that confidently. So he told Mick as much.

“Then stop avoiding him,” Mick stated, a touch harshly. His voice softened a little as he continued, “He’s more sensitive than you think, Len.”

Leonard knew that Mick and Ray had gotten close in his absence. It was interesting to know that they had gotten close enough that Mick actually felt protective of the other. For some reason it was strangely reassuring. He began to tell the other just that when the subject of their conversation entered the room.

“Uh,” Ray stuttered, seeming to read the awkward air in the room, “Cisco and Hartley are ready for the field test if you are?” An unsure tone was added to his voice as he looked between them.

Len quickly finished his beer before brushing passed Ray and heading towards the others as acknowledgement. He was confident that he had managed to patch things up with Mick for now. Nothing was completely fixed, but it wasn’t anything that needed handled right away.

Cisco had an armful of equipment he was juggling as Leonard approached prompting Len to ask, “Is that all necessary?” A field test meant that they’d be outside, in public. Len had never been one for drawing attention to himself. That came with the job. He would already stick out due to the goggles, any further oddities would only get some force involved that he would rather be kept out of this experiment. 

Hartley nodded. “Unfortunately,” he explained, “Caitlin insisted that if we progressed outside that we monitor you closely.”

Leonard cursed the kind girl’s worrisome disposition. “I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

Cisco nodded, re-adjusting the weight in his arms. With a huff he explained, “I agree, but you’ve never had to deal with Caitlin when you go against her medical advice.”

Before Leonard could protest further, Hartley added, “We’ve come up with a way to make the technology less obvious.”

“Keep talking,” Len stated as he crossed his arms, giving his attention to the other man. 

“We’ll stay out of view of the public but still within your view,” he unhelpfully explained.

“Are we going to hang out on top of a building or something?” Mick asked with a condescending snort.

“Exactly,” Cisco said with a grin. “Except we’ll be inside the building instead of on the roof. Snart will still be able to see people but they won’t be as conscious of us. It’s perfect.”

“I wouldn’t call it perfect,” Leonard mumbled, yet he supposed they really didn’t have much choice. “Where are we holding this experiment then?”

“Well I talked to Joe,” Cisco started explaining before being cut off by Ray.

“Joe, as in Joe West? Detective Joe West?”

“You wanna get the pigs in on this?” Mick asked with a harsh growl to his voice.

Len agreed, frowning. “I believe a few of us here are wanted by the cops.” The exact force that Leonard was wanting to avoid.

“Whoa, chill guys,” Cisco said quickly. “Joe’s one of us.” At the sounds of protest starting to come from Mick and Len, he added, “He knows you guys are good now, or relatively good. As long as you don’t break anymore laws or hurt anyone he’s willing to look past your well, past.” He chuckled nervously.

Leonard was still hesitant but Ray nodded for Cisco to continue, “What’s the plan then?”

“There’s a building downtown that’s currently cut off for police investigation. Joe said the investigating part is pretty much over though so we can get into it with no problem. From the second floor we’ll be able to watch the crowd,” Cisco explained.

“That doesn’t solve how we get there unseen,” Leonard stated.

Cisco added, “Breaching takes up too much energy for me to transport all of us. I can take a few of us but the rest will have to walk.”

“Can you take all that equipment with you?” Ray asked.

“No, I cannot,” Cisco admitted, “but,”

“We’ve come up with an additional way to transport the technical elements,” Hartley finished, “which should be arriving shortly.”

Leonard had a bad feeling about this and as his memories began to come back, he had learned to listen to this feeling. However, before he could speak up, a voice called from the entrance to the lab, “Somebody need a hand?” 

At the appearance of the man, Leonard’s head immediately started to pound against his skull. The amount of  _ wrong _ radiating off him was more than Ray and Mick combined. In a second he was overwhelmed with visions of pasts and presents coinciding with each other. Layers of events folding in on each other. 

The pain caused him to immediately pull on the goggles from their resting point around his neck. Clicking them on gave some relief but the dull ache was still there. The visions were harder to repress than normal but he was still able to do so, thankfully.

Once he was finally able to function properly, he could see the concerned gazes that had gathered around him, including a new one. “Barry,” he said with a drawl. The man had always been a bit of a pain in his side. It seems that wasn’t going to change anytime soon.

“Snart,” Barry acknowledged, “You alright?”

“Just peachy,” he replied with a grimace. 

Ray moved to stand next to Leonard, giving the man a concerned look. Leonard ignored him, choosing to address Barry, “What are you doing here?”

“Cisco asked me to help transport some tech,” Barry explained. “That all cool with you?”

As much as Leonard appreciated the pun, he wasn’t thrilled about working with the speedster. Especially now that just being in his presence caused his brain to nearly explode with pain. However, he wasn’t one to show his unease. Smirking, Len replied, “As long as you’re quick about it.”

The process from that point further went smoothly, or as smoothly as it could with heroes and ‘criminals’ working together. To Leonard’s amusement, it brought up even more memories. Eventually, it was decided that Leonard and Mick would go through the breach with Cisco since they were still on the most wanted list. Hartley and Ray would make their way through the city on foot as they were much less conspicuous. In the meantime, Barry would transport the tech to the building they planned to set up in.

Mick had argued at first, saying that he’d rather walk through the city than rely on a nerd to transport him through ‘some wormhole thingy’. He was talked down after a quick explanation of the police force surrounding the building. That however, did not stop him from grumbling complaints up until the moment they walked through the breach.

Stepping away from Cisco after exiting the breach, Leonard took stock of his surroundings. They were in an empty office filled with cubicles and filing cabinets. Papers were scattered around as if dropped from the hands of fleeing businessman. A few of the chairs were left lying on their sides. Leonard expected a metahuman attack and a quick look through the timeline of this place confirmed it.

Leonard avoided the windows in his perimeter search. The visions were already lapping at his consciousness, begging to overtake him. Somehow he knew if he were to actually see the crowd outside the window he would be overwhelmed in seconds. 

Cisco must have noticed his avoidance as he asked, “How’s the visions?”

Leonard had to stop himself from snapping at the man. He wasn’t use to explaining his wellbeing. He took care of himself and that was that. However, this was something that he would have never controlled on his own. If not for Caitlin’s medicine and the engineer duo’s goggles, he would still be overwhelmed with pain. He had learned to lean on others in the past month.

It was still hard to admit, “They’re getting harder to push back.”

Cisco nodded, noting something on the tablet he managed to bring through with them. “And the pain?”

Leonard had known this portion of the experiment would be agonizing so he took a few extra pills from the bottle Caitlin had given him. For that reason he felt only a dull ache where he was sure there would be a stabbing pain. He answered Cisco’s question with a simple, “Manageable .”

Cisco went back to his tablet after that. A moment later, Barry appeared with a gust of wind. The dull ache in Leonard’s head grew and he rubbed at his temples. The visions that came with the speedster threatened to overtake him but with the help of the pain pills, he was no longer distracted by the pain. It made pushing the visions back much easier than the first time. 

It seemed that Cisco had been observing him through the entire process when the man spoke up, “Barry makes it worse, doesn’t he?”

Leonard had the attention of the speedster now. The man’s face was pinched as he asked in a concerned voice, “Is that true?” It seemed the bleeding heart was actually worried about causing him pain.

Leonard rolled his eyes. “Yes, but I can manage.” He turned from the two heroes and walked away. He’d let them gab about how this affected the results or what not on their own. He located Mick in the back of the office and chose to join him instead. “Any chance you brought a drink with you?”

Mick huffed, amused, “Unfortunately Haircut has cut me off for the time being.” He added with a grumble, “Kicked me out of the kitchen.”

That fact surprised Leonard. Mick had only ever listened to Lisa when it came to holding back on the drinking. It spoke volumes in how much the man actually valued Ray. It was another confirmation in how close the two had become in his absence. 

The two were content to exist in silence as they watched the other two. Barry left after thirty minutes, citing something about spending valuable time with Iris as his reasoning for leaving. Cisco continued to set up the tech on his own with only a few mutterings about how he was ‘fine’ and ‘not to worry, Cisco can do it all on his own’. 

After about an hour, Cisco beckoned Leonard over and began attaching all the monitors Caitlin insisted were necessary. As he placed the last monitor over his heart, Ray and Hartley walked in. The latter had a sour expression on his face and was quick to ditch Ray at the door, walking over to Cisco and taking the tablet monitoring Leonard’s vitals. 

Ray chose to stay next to Mick but was looking at Leonard with a loaded gaze. Len looked away as he pulled his shirt back on, not wanting to read all the emotions it held. Whatever the two spoke about before arriving seemed to have shaken the both of them. 

“Okay,” Cisco said with a huff, “I think we’re ready to begin.” Hartley nodded beside him, acknowledging that the tablet was recording properly. Cisco pulled the laptop he had set up towards him, typing quickly. After he was done, Cisco looked up to nod at Leonard, “You may approach the window.”

For the first time since arriving in the office, Leonard approached the wall of windows. Outside was a busy street with cars steadily passing through and a decent amount of foot traffic. From the moment Leonard set eyes on the outside, he was overwhelmed with visions. One life after another hit him in waves. 

It was different from the folding time of Barry’s timeline. This was more like the timelines were fighting for dominance in his consciousness and it  _ hurt _ . He didn’t notice himself falling to his knees, clutching his head in pain, nor did he register the feeling of hands on his shoulders. 

Someone managed to pull his goggles into place and switch them on which finally gave him some ground to get a foothold on. He didn’t know how long it took, but he was eventually able to push the visions back far enough that they were vaguely shown over the image of reality. The pain also became a little more manageable, though it was nowhere near ideal.

Finally able to open his eyes, he saw that it was Ray who had rushed to his side. The man was wearing a pained expression causing Len to scoff and brush him off. “I’m fine,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. 

“Your vitals say differently,” Ray argued. “Maybe we should stop here.”

The fact that Ray’s tone left no question only served to piss him off. His ire only further stoked by the fact that Cisco seemed as if he was about to agree. “I’ve dealt with worse,” he stated, tone leaving no room for argument.

Ignoring Ray’s protests, he walked to the window. Now, with the goggles, he was able to actually see the view. The visions were still flashing around him, but more of reality was leaking through as time passed. The pain was beginning to lessen as well, unless he was just getting use to it. “What first?” he asked, ready to get this over with quickly. He may be getting use to it, but it still wasn’t pleasant. 

There was silence for a moment but eventually Hartley replied, “See if you can tune into one specific person’s timeline.”

Leonard scanned the street, eyes eventually landing on a woman walking her dog across the street. Focusing on her, he slipped into her timeline with ease. He viewed her past and her possible futures before pulling back into reality. “Done,” He stated simply, looking away from the window. “It works. Can we go now?”

Hartley and Cisco looked to each other, an unspoken conversation going on between them that Leonard couldn’t care to try and translate. Hartley was the one to speak first after a moment, “Yeah, we’re done for today.”

Cisco continued, “We’ll have to come back again to gather more data.”

Shutting down the tablet and moving towards Leonard to take the monitors off, Hartley added, “As well as getting you use to being around a large number of people.”

Leonard allowed Hartley to help him take off the tech but refused to take off the goggles. The other man let him keep them on with only slight hesitation. He informed Leonard, “You can keep them on until we get back but any longer could be dangerous.”

Leonard nodded to show he understood. That had been his plan anyways. He knew the frequencies going into his head could be harmful after long periods of time, but it was almost worth the relief from the pain. He would take them off once he was no longer threatened by hundreds of timelines.

A call to Barry and fifteen minutes later, they were back in Hartley’s lab. Hartley and Ray had hitched a ride with Cisco after the former made an argument about it taking more energy for them to walk. Leonard was halfway back to what had become his room when he was stopped by Ray.

“Hey,” the man called out, grabbing onto Leonard’s shoulder, “are you alright?”

The parallels to earlier did not escape Len as he rolled his shoulder to brush Ray off. Turning to face him, he replied in a harsh tone, “I’m fine, Raymond.” 

“You still have the goggles on,” Ray stated simply, unaffected by Len’s harshness. As Len reached up to remove them, having almost forgotten they were still on, Ray continued, “I know this is taking a while but we’re close to getting you back to normal.” The man had a sickenly sweet smile on his face and sympathy in his eyes.

Leonard had known going into this that it would take time and pain for him to finally handle what had become of his life. He knew he needed patience but what he didn’t need was people throwing that fact in his face, no matter how close they are. Feelings be damned. 

Instead of replying, Leonard turned back and quickly made his way to his room. He planned on locking himself away for the night. Stopping only to down a few of the pills from the bottle left on his nightstand, he headed directly for his bed. As worn out as he was, sleep managed to elude him for hours.

He spent those hours looking over every decision that led him to this moment, including ones he didn’t remember. Not for the first time since learning about it had he wished the explosion had actually killed him instead. It was the pain talking, mixed with the impatience. He knew Ray had been right. They were close to sorting it all out. And then maybe he could sort out the relationships that had been damaged in the meantime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it worth the wait? Is there anyone still here? Honestly I can’t blame anyone if the answer is no. 
> 
> But yeah! Len is finally remembering things! And his ability is getting better to handle. So good things are coming. I promise.
> 
> Also I know there was just a super long wait but I have to warn you there may be another. I’m moving halfway across the country and starting a new job. But we all know how I like to procrastinate and making lesson plans is like the worst so... who knows?
> 
> As always, you can follow me on [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) to talk DCTV or to just yell at me for the next chapter so it doesn’t take months...
> 
> And give a very big thanks to [Mimi.](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) Without her, Ray would just be floating through rooms like a fairy. 
> 
> Alright, stay tuned for the next chapter where finally we get Lisa!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that he had been given a clean bill of health, there was only one thing he wanted to do. “Let’s go see Lisa."

It takes months before Leonard is finally able to spend time in a crowd with only a dull ache behind his eyes. He became much better at controlling the visions and could even maneuver through them without the goggles at some points. As long as he wasn’t exhausted, he was able to handle being among others. Though even he had to admit, a lot was due to the stash of pills Caitlin had provided him with. Without them, he would still be a writhing ball of pain on the floor.

Yet now he was questioning the sainthood he had painted her in. She stood in the middle of what had become his room, arms crossed and a deep frown in place. “You shouldn’t be going through these so fast still,” she stated, glancing down at the nearly empty bottle in her hands. She had come for a physical check up as they were getting ready to ‘release him into the real world’. “I thought you said the pain was manageable now?”

“Maybe I lied,” Leonard drawled as he snatched the pill bottle back from her. “I still need them.”

Caitlin studied him with an untrusting look. “I don’t know. You should be able to handle a bit of pain by now.”

Leonard snorted in amusement, “I’ve been dealing with ‘a bit of pain’ my entire life,” He grinned at her. “If this was just another of those small pains I wouldn’t be using the pills. Trust me.”

She still looked skeptical, but eventually handed over a new pill bottle from the bag she carried.  As he reached for it, she pulled it back, adding, “Remember. One every four hours. And that’s only when the pain is unbearable.”

“Got it, mother,” he rolled his eyes as he grabbed the bottle from her.

She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t even know why I try.” With a little spin on her heels, she turned towards the door. As she opened it, Mick was on his way in. She let out a surprised ‘oh’ before smiling and placing a hand on his shoulder. She then left without another word.

Mick watched her leave before continuing on into the room. He settled himself against the wall beside the bed, asking, “What the doc say?”

Len smirked, amused. “I saw that.”

“There’s nothing to see,” Mick growled out.

“Sure. Of course not,” Len agreed with a grin. Teasing Mick could come later. Now that he had been given a clean bill of health, there was only one thing he wanted to do. “Let’s go see Lisa.”

Over the last month or so, all of Leonard’s memories returned, except those of the Vanishing Point. He almost expected that those would never come back, despite Caitlin assuring him otherwise. Now that he remembered Lisa in full, the urge to see her was greater. She still thought that he was dead, which was his decision. Mick and Ray had wanted to tell her as soon as he was well enough to handle company for long periods of time without the goggles, but Len didn’t want to see her until he was fully well. Until then, it was as if he was still trapped in the prison of his mind, and he had never allowed her to visit him in prison. He never wanted her to see what he became when trapped.

Mick grinned at the mention of Lisa. “She’s going to kill you.”

Leonard chuckled. “I expect no less.”

“Lemme just grab Haircut real quick and we can head out,” Mick stated, heading for the door.

At the mention of Ray, Len’s amusement fell from his face. “Do we have to bring him?”

“You can’t avoid him forever,” Mick stated, rather truthfully. Though if you asked Leonard, he was not avoiding him.

“I’m not avoiding him.”

“Right,” Mick huffed out, “You’re just conveniently never around when he’s looking for you.”

It was true. Most of the time, after training with Hartley, he locked himself away for the night. But that was more out of exhaustion than avoidance. Though Len couldn’t lie to himself, or Mick it seemed. “I’m not ready for that conversation.”

“You’ve been avoiding that conversation your entire life together, Len. It’s time to stop acting like a coward.” Contrary to many people’s opinions of Mick, he had his wise moments. Plus, he always knew when to call Leonard out on his bullshit, and in a way it would actually snap him out of it.

He bristled at the thought of being a coward, though he had to admit Mick’s words had some truth to them. “Fine,” Len agreed with a sigh. “Raymond can come.” Mick grinned as he left the room. The sight made Leonard shake his head. The man was way too amused at his predicament.

Having given enough thought to that, Leonard decided to focus on his next predicament. He was about to see his sister. His sister who thought he was dead. Who he had let think he was dead for months. Mick was right. This was going to hurt.

Two hours later found Leonard, Mick, and Ray outside of a small apartment on the west side of Central City. All the apprehension of the moment weighed on him as he raised his hand to knock on the door.

Lisa was just as he remembered her. She answered the door with a smile that stretched to her eyes and sent visions of childhood trips to the park across his consciousness. “You both have a key, why do you insist on,” The smile fell from her face to be replaced by shock. She stared at him for what seemed like hours and he let her. He knew she had to process what no doubt her brain told her couldn’t be true. Slowly, she reached a hand out to brush his face. “Lenny?” her question was a whisper of disbelief.

Len smiled at her, a smile that had only ever been reserved for his sister. “Hey, Lis.”

Lisa let out a disbelieving laugh in a huff before hugging him tightly. “I knew you’d find your way back. You promised.”

A random memory from the Waverider that he had almost forgotten about. _Promise me you will come back to me._ The phrase echoed in his head, only chased away by Lisa pulling back and promptly smacking him across the face.

Len let out a yelp, yelling, “What the hell was that for?” He rubbed his face where her hand most likely left a mark.

Lisa set her fists on her hips, lips in a pout. It was such a throwback to a much younger Lisa that he almost thought he had been thrown into his visions without noticing. “You took your damn time.”

Ray, ever the peacemaker, ran forward to intercept as Mick’s boisterous laughter echoed in the hall. “He would have come sooner if he was well enough,”

His well intentioned comments added to the grave Len had been digging for himself as Lisa interrupted, “Wait. How long has he been back?”

Ray seemed to read the pissed expression on her face for what it was, a warning. He stuttered over his words, “Uh, well you see, he hasn’t been himself so that question is a little loaded and,”

Lisa once again interrupted his rambling, “How long, Ray?” Her voice was sharp and her glare even sharper.

“A couple months?” Ray finally responded, voice pinched.

Lisa glared, directing it at all of them, before slamming the door in their faces.

Mick’s chuckles finally subsided as he stated unnecessarily, “Well, that went well.”

Leonard sighed, knocking on the door once again. “Come on, Lisa. Let me explain.”

The door remained closed for a moment longer but Lisa eventually opened it. Her eyes were now red and her voice was thick when she spoke. Len’s heart broke knowing he was the cause of his sister’s tears. “Fine. Come in.”

She stepped away from the door, leaving it ajar so that they could enter. Her apartment was small but she had filled it full of all kinds of shiny things, from leather furniture to gold plated lamps. It was a room that screamed Lisa Snart in all the ways Len had known it would.

“I didn’t think you would move back to Central City,” Len commented, trying to avoid a conversation that would add to further tears. Lisa never stuck to one place for too long. She may have helped him tear through the city on more than one occasion but she had always come and gone as she pleased.

Lisa shrugged. “Something just kept me here.” And she didn’t have to explain for Len to know what that was. She settled herself onto one of her leather chairs, tucking her feet up underneath her. “So now is where you explain.” She glared around the room and added, “All of you.”

Len took a seat on the couch, followed a little too closely by Ray as Mick disappeared into the kitchen. “Don’t take it out on them, Lis. I made them promise not to tell you.”

“Why?” There was so much hurt in her expressions and her words that Leonard’s heart broke all over again.

“I wasn’t myself for the longest time. I didn’t remember who I was, let alone anyone else.” Len explained slowly.

“But you do now?” Lisa asked. “I mean obviously you do if you’re here.”

“It’s a little complicated,” Leonard drawled out as he eyed Ray out of the corner of his eye. He still hadn’t told Ray that he had regained his memories though he supposed, like Mick, the man might suspect it. “Something happened and I was lost for a long time.”

Explaining the Oculus and everything that had happened since he woke up to his sister was a lot more emotionally draining than Leonard had expected. She had been quiet throughout the tale, only taking in the facts and processing them. She remained quiet for a while after.

Mick never returned from the kitchen and eventually Ray left the couch to join him, leaving Leonard alone to speak to his sister. He allowed himself to appreciate this as he waited for Lisa to finish processing everything.

“So you see the future?” She asked after a long period of silence.

Len nodded. “And the past.”

“So you know how this conversation is going to go?” Lisa’s eyebrows where scrunched in confusion.

“I can’t see future events that I take part in,” he explained. “So I have no way of knowing whether you can forgive me or not.”

“Stupid, Lenny,” She said quietly under her breath. “Of course I can.” She hugged him again, just as tightly as before. “You could have come to me though.”

“I know,” Len replied, holding her just as tight. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

Lisa pulled out of the embrace. “You’re always looking out for me. You have to look after yourself too.” Len smiled and nodded, just happy his sister was no longer crying over him. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still pissed at you,” She added with a smile and a hard punch to his shoulder.

“Ow!” He exclaimed, laughing in disbelief. “Rude.”

“Asshole,” She grinned.

“Bitch,” He grinned back.

Mick and Ray appeared in the entrance to the kitchen at the sound of their laughter. “So everything is all patched up then?” Ray asked hesitantly.

Len knew they were listening so he decided not to answer. Lisa, however, responded, “For now.”

Ray’s nervous disposition melted as he smiled. “Good. For a minute there I was worried.”

Mick snorted as he pushed passed the other man, carrying beers over for both of them. “So now that feelings are out of the way,” he stated, sitting at the far end of the couch and reaching for the remote, “We can finally watch that movie I’ve been dying to see.”

Len laughed, watching Mick pull the coffee table closer in order to prop his feet up on it. Ray sat down next to him and in his happiness, Len allowed himself to look at the man properly. He missed the solidarity of being surrounded by the ones he loved. It was something that a few months ago he had never expected being able to experience again. He was glad that he had been wrong for once.

Ray looked at him, surprise covering his face at the sight of Len looking back at him. Len smiled at the other man before turning his gaze back to the action movie that Mick had put on. Surrounded by those close to him, Len felt better than he had in months. Despite the pain that still throbbed behind his eyes, he found himself falling into sleep easily in the comfort of his sister’s home.

* * *

Len’s breathing leveled out and by the time the credits were rolling across the screen it was clear that the man had fallen asleep. Ray watched his sleeping form openly, both Lisa and Mick knew of his feelings for Leonard by now so there was nothing to hide. He was in safe company.

“So are you two still together?” Lisa asked, head perched on her fist, watching the two of them.

Ray shook his head. “It’s complicated.”

Mick snorted and grunted out, “The only one making it complicated is Leonard himself.”

Lisa frowned, eyebrows creasing as they often did while she thought. “What do you mean?”

Ray wasn’t sure how to explain and looked to Mick for help. “The whole Oculus thing has his mind twisted in a knot,” Mick stated. “He’s always thought too much for his own good.”

Lisa nodded as if she understood exactly what he was talking about. “And let me guess,” she smiled at Ray, “You won’t corner him and make him speak to you.”

Ray was slightly offended by the comment and how true it stuck. “We talked about it once,” he tried defending himself, “He doesn’t want to start anything until he remembers me.”

“And you still believe he doesn’t?” Mick asked.

The truth was no, he didn’t believe that. He’s noticed things about Leonard, the ways he reacts to things now that differed from the way he reacted to them right after they brought him back. There was more emotion to it, especially in instances where training forced him to focus on his past. He knew Leonard had at least started to remember things, if not everything. “No,” He replied sadly.

“You should talk to him, Ray,” Lisa stated. “He’s always been one who needed to be forced to talk about his feelings. Then he’s always better for it.” She smiled at Ray. “You make him happy and you both deserve to be happy after everything you’ve gone through.”

Ray let out a spiteful huffed laugh. “Fate seems to keep tearing us apart no matter how hard we try.”

Mick grunted, “How you can still believe that is lost on me.” Getting up from the couch and moving towards the kitchen, he added before disappearing, “You both have always made your own fate. Don’t fuck it up now.”

Lisa giggled quietly. “He’s not wrong, you know?” She smiled softly at her brother. “If that were true, Leonard would never have accepted a pretentious know-it-all’s offer to study over the weekend.”

“Hey,” Ray protested, but he smiled. “I guess you’re right.”

Lisa got up from her chair. “I’m always right.” With another glance to her brother, she added, “Now talk,” before heading towards the kitchen to join Mick.

Looking to Leonard, he noticed the man was now awake and moving to sit up. “How much of that did you hear?” Ray asked nervously.

Leonard sighed, “Enough to know that I’m not getting out of this conversation without a fight.”

The two of them sat in silence for a moment before Leonard got up and stretched. Ray watched him, choosing not to hide his gaze for once. Len already knew he was watching, there was no reason to pretend he wasn’t. That’s why when Leonard headed for the door, Ray allowed disappointment to flow over him.

The disappointment faded when Leonard turned his head towards Ray to ask, “Well, are you coming?”

Confused, but happy that it seemed the conversation would be happening, Ray got up to follow Leonard through the door.

They walked side-by-side in silence until they were outside the building. It was only then that Len paused to explain, “We didn’t need an audience for this.”

Ray let out a soft “ah” in understanding. Though it didn’t let on to the way this conversation would go, it did at least let him know that Leonard was taking this seriously.

Leonard continued walking down the sidewalk and Ray followed him. It was late now, the sun having set somewhere during their movie earlier. Only a few cars passed them on the lonely sidewalk. It was few enough people that Leonard shouldn’t experience too much pain, but Ray worried anyways.

The worry grew when Leonard pulled out a familiar pill bottle. “Does your head hurt that bad?” Ray asked.

Leonard shrugged as he popped the pill into his mouth, swallowing it dry. “It hurts most of the time. Bad is a relative term.”

Ray frowned. Either Leonard was playing off the pain he felt or there was an entirely different problem they were going to have to deal with.

“We didn’t come out here to talk about my headaches,” Leonard deflected before Ray could say anything else.

Deciding to keep an eye on Leonard’s pill usage, Ray let the topic go. “You’re right.”

They stayed in silence for a few more steps. Eventually Leonard sighed. “I suppose you know I have regained the memories I lost. Or most of them.”

Ray nodded. He had told Lisa and Mick as much just before. It was surprising that Leonard thought he could hide it so long. Or maybe it had been wishful thinking that kept the facade going.

“I don’t remember the Vanishing Point, so I hope you aren’t expecting answers for what happened there,” Leonard stated matter-of-factly.

Ray shook his head. “I would like some,” he admitted, “but I would never expect it.”

Len paused their walk to look him in the eyes. It was a move Ray recognized. He was looking for the level of truth in Ray’s gaze, how much trust could be instilled in him. Though it hurt that Len still had to go through this process with him, Ray understood. Len had not been brought up in a trustworthy world.

Having seemingly found what he was looking for, Leonard turned and started their walk once more as if he hadn’t stopped. “We’ve danced around each other for a long time now, Raymond.”

The sound of his full name in that drawl made Ray’s hopes lift. Though he didn’t want to count chicks before hatching, he thought there was a good chance this conversation was going in a favorable direction. “Some would say we’ve been fighting for and against each other for decades.”

Leonard smiled. “Yes. We have.” Len paused and Ray remained silent to allow him time to gather his thoughts before continuing. “There are many emotions wrapped up in those decades, and not all of them are good.”

Ray nodded. He knew very well what Len was stating. Yes there was love and joy, but there was also plenty of heartbreak and anger.

“All of that needs to be considered before moving forward,” Leonard continued. “Also,” Len took a breath, releasing it in a heavy sigh, “I know your whole timeline. I know everything about you past and future.”

Ray expected something like this would weigh on Leonard. Especially whatever glimpses of the future he had seen. The fact that he could see him meant they weren’t always together. “I don’t care about that.”

Leonard let out a soft chuckle. “You’re too forgiving, Raymond.”

Ray shrugged, smiling at Leonard. “Maybe. But this one was easy. There’s nothing needed to be forgiven.” Leonard opened his mouth, probably in protest, but Ray rushed to prevent him from saying anything, “You couldn’t control it, right? Besides, I have always wanted to share my life with you. Though I will admit this is a little different from what I expected,” He chuckled, “I’m still happy for it.”

Leonard stared hard at him. Ray couldn’t exactly read into it, but there was definitely some awe in his gaze. Eventually, Len’s face settled into a soft smile. “You’re too good for me, Boy Scout.”

Ray grinned at the nickname, happy to finally hear it after so long that he had no desire to correct him. “I believe we’ve had that fight already.”

Len nodded, smile on his face, “Yeah, and you whipped my ass into shape then too.”

Ray laughed and Leonard’s low chuckle echoed him. “So what does all this mean?” Ray asked, a little of the hope he felt leaking into his voice.

Leonard shrugged. “I could never answer that when it came to us, but in the end I always went for it anyway.” His soft smile stayed on his face as he met Ray’s gaze. “You are the one thing I could never plan for.”

Ray could feel his heart melting and pouring out of his chest, warming his whole body. He couldn’t help the wide grin it brought to his face. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Leonard shoved Ray with his arm, causing him to walk on the grass for a moment. “Shut up,” he laughed.

Ray laughed as well, shoving Len lightly back. He let their laughter fade out before getting serious. He hesitated at first, not sure how to word what he wanted to ask. He ended up deciding the blunt question was the best way to go, “Does this mean that we’re back together?”

Leonard paused their walk underneath the soft glow of a street lamp. He grasped Ray’s arm to pull him to a stop and simultaneously make him turn towards him. “Is that really what you want?”

Ray opened his mouth to reply with an insistent affirmative, but stopped. Knowing Leonard wouldn’t accept anything that came without thought, he gave the man the courtesy of reflection.

What Leonard said in the beginning was true, there were a lot of negative emotions that needed hashed out. It would take time and effort, but Ray had always been willing to put in the work. A future with Leonard was worth it. He never doubted that.

After his period of reflection, Ray smiled at Leonard, honestly and confidently stating, “Yes. That is what I want.”

Leonard grinned back, stating teasingly, “I figured you would say as much.”

“Then did you even have to ask?” Ray teased back. They shared laughter for a brief period and he took the time to appreciate the moment. The atmosphere was warm and comforting. Looking at Leonard, observing the creases in his eyes as he laughed genuinely, his heart swelled. There was a time when he thought he had lost this for good. He was very glad they were given a second chance; or well, a third chance he supposed.

Embracing the buzzing warmth surrounding them, Ray pulled the other man toward him. A surprised look crossed Leonard's face in the seconds it took to bring him into his arms, hugging him tightly. “I’m so glad you’re back,” he murmured into the other’s neck.

Ray felt Leonard shiver before replying, “You have no idea how glad I am to be back.” He then pressed a soft kiss into Ray’s hair. “How glad I am to be myself again.”

Ray pulled back enough to see Leonard’s face clearly. They looked into each other's eyes, neither blinking nor looking away. Ray could practically see the war wading behind Len’s eyes. There was a lot that they were going to need to wade through to make this relationship work, but they both knew that. Ray was confident that Leonard was as willing to work through it as he was. This is why Ray took matters into his own hands, stalling the war inside Leonard with a soft kiss.

Kissing Leonard had always felt like a homecoming, and this one was no different. The longing they had felt to be back in each other’s arms came across in the brief seconds of the kiss. After the first, Ray quickly dove back in, filling this kiss with all the loss and love he had felt between the months of Len’s absence. Leonard then returned the kiss with feelings of his own.

They kissed for eons; or maybe it was only minutes, seconds even. Whichever it was, eventually they had to part, backing away only as far as their arms would allow. Leonard leaned his forehead against Ray’s, a soft smile gracing his features. “We should probably be getting back.”

Ray sighed, knowing Leonard was right, but still wishing they could stay like this forever. “Alright,” he reluctantly agreed, “We probably shouldn't leave Mick and Lisa by themselves for long.”

Len chuckled, “You're probably right. Those two are trouble together.”

Ray nodded, pulling further away so that they could start walking. “There was one time that I went to Central City for a day and when I came back there were five goats in Lisa’s apartment. Both of them were passed out drunk on the couch.”

Len laughed. “Sounds familiar.”

Ray shook his head, grinning. “One of the goats even ate my sock.”

Len’s laughter grew more boisterous. Calming after a minute, Len grinned, “Yep, definitely familiar.”

“You had a goat experience too?” Ray asked, grinning.

Len nodded. “Only the goats ate through an entire weeks worth of loot.”

Ray threw his head back and laughed. “Karma,” he managed to get out through the chuckles.

Len chuckled softly, “That’s what Lis said.”

Ray could imagine the entire scenario and it only caused him to laugh harder, Len eventually joining in. After their laughter died down, they continued to walk in silence. It was peaceful, and everything Ray had wished for. He hesitated a moment before reaching for Leonard’s hand.

They had never really held hands as a couple. The first time around they had been a secret. They couldn't risk anyone finding out about them. The second time there was so much damage they had to work through and not enough time to do so. They had also been more or less a secret then as well. Now, though Ray was unsure as to how public they wanted to be, as well as knowing how much they still had to work through, holding Leonard’s hand just felt right.

He felt Leonard freeze as his hand closed around the other's and he was about to let go, but Len quickly tightened his grasp around his hand. Ray glanced over then, catching Len openly looking at him. He felt his face flush under the other’s gaze but he smiled at the other man who squeezed his hand in acknowledgement.

The moment passed and they continued their stroll back to the apartment, content to hold hands in the relative privacy of night. Eventually the peace had to end as they approached Lisa’s door. They paused outside, releasing each other's hand.

“What do we tell them?” Ray asked quietly, not quite willing to relinquish the peace surrounding them.

Leonard shrugged. “We don’t have to tell them anything. It’s really none of their business.”

Ray nodded his agreement. “Though, I think they’re just as invested in us as we are.”

Len nodded. “That’s for sure,” he muttered, amused.

Ray laughed, but before he could reply the door opened, revealing a grinning Lisa. She looked between the two of them, grin widening. “So I take it that everything went well?” Leonard pushed passed her to get into the apartment without responding. Mick was sitting on the couch, beer in hand and smug look on his face.

Ray entered the apartment as well. “You assume correctly,” Ray answered, glancing around the apartment and thankfully finding no sign of goats.

Lisa shut the door behind her, turning with a flourish. “Well now that you both managed to get your heads out of your asses,” Both men opened their mouths to protest, only to be cut off as Lisa continued, “I’m going to bed.”

Ray glanced to the clock, having lost track of the time long ago. It was going on four in the morning, which was more than enough of an excuse to head to bed. “We should probably all get some sleep.”

Lisa walked to her room, stopping to point out the guest room, “You all can fight over the spare room.”

Ray looked between Mick and Len as Lisa closed herself off in her room. Len and him may have finally got their relationship on track, but sleeping together may be moving too fast considering where they had started that morning. Ray knew he wouldn't mind, at least as long as it was just sleeping. The question was, would Len mind?

One glance to Len soothed his worries. Leonard was looking right at him, eyebrow raised in question and smirk plastered on his face. Ray felt his face flush, knowing the other man knew exactly what he was thinking.

His face only further flushed at Mick stated, “Don't worry. I'm fine on the couch. You guys enjoy,” punctuated by a sip from his beer.

Len was grinning as he asked, “What do you say, Raymond? Ready for bed?”

Ray nearly choked at the blatant implication. Instead of answering, Ray headed into the bedroom. Mick’s boisterous laughter echoed after him. Leonard was still chuckling as he joined Ray in the bedroom.

Ray ignored him as he went about getting ready for bed. After all, it wasn’t like they hadn’t slept in the same bed before. They used to do it all the time in high school. On the Waverider however, they never really had the time nor the space.

So yes, they had technically spent the night together, but not like this. It made Ray nervous, though he knew he was reading way too far into the implications. He was too tired to try anything even if he wanted too, and he trusted that Leonard would respect any boundaries he put in place. It was just any sort of conversation about the topic had never been approached by them. He wasn’t quite sure how to breach the subject.

Turns out, he didn’t have to worry as Leonard did it for him. “You know nothing has to happen. We’re both exhausted,” He drawled, adding, “Plus, we just got ourselves figured out. We’re not quite there yet.”

Ray let out a relieved sigh, “Good.” Realizing how that may sound, he quickly added, “Not that I wouldn’t want too. I mean maybe not now but… and it’s not that you’re not attractive because I think be both know you are. I’m just,” noticing the amused expression on Leonard’s face, Ray paused his rambling and concluded with, “I agree with you.”

Grin still in place, Leonard took his shirt and pants off in a quick motion then headed towards the bed. “Then let’s go to bed.”

Ray flushed at the general lack of modesty but joined Len under the covers without hesitation. Once settled, Ray allowed Len to pull him so his back was flush against Len’s chest, their legs tangling. Ray settled into the warmth, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped up in Leonard’s arms. It wasn’t long before he fell asleep, hope and contentment blooming in his heart.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ball of fluff is meant to be an apology for taking so long. Also, I needed happy in my life so today I threw on my Kpop playlist and cranked out three thousand more words. 
> 
> As always, thanks to [Mimi](http://mickburnsalot.tumblr.com/) who literally stopped in the middle of cooking dinner to beta this.
> 
> Come scream at me on my [tumblr](http://leonardsnarksalot.tumblr.com/) as well. I need pleasant conversations right now. And friends. I need friends.


End file.
